How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, a man will screw anything.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Author: admin
Sleeping in the barn
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. a few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!!!
Indian names
An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face and asks, “Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?”
She told him, “Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.”
Then he asked, “Why is my sister named Cornflower?”
She replied, “Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her.”
“And why is my other sister called Moonchild?”
The mother said, “We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.”
The mother paused and asked her son, “Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Top 10 Halloween Things…
Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty…
10. She’s a goblin!
9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag….OH!-You’re having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I’ll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth,
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
Tough Mice
Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, “That’s nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it.” And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, “Where the heck are you going?”
The third mouse stops and replies, “I’m going home to screw the cat.”
Egg, bacon
egg and bacon walk into a bar. bartender says “we dont serve breakfast here!”
Lady and a Dentist
A man and a woman met at a bar. They started getting along
really well and they decide to go to her place for a drink.
Some drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his
hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The woman looked at him and said, “You must be a dentist.”
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, “Why yes! That’s amazing; how
did you know that?”
The woman replied, “Real easy. You keep washing your hands.”
One thing leads to another, and they go to bed.
After the lovemaking, the woman remarked, “You must be a GREAT
dentist!”
The doctor was very surprised, and said, “Yes! Yes! I sure am a
great dentist. Wow! You amaze me! And how did you know THAT
sweetheart?”
The woman says: “Easy. I didn’t feel a thing.”
Little Johnny
And then there’s little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door.
Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad.
Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims – “Hah!, they got nerve…they sent “ME” to the doctor for sucking my thumb!”
A fine is tax for
A fine is tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
In February, according to police
In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
The Drunk Man
One night, as a drunk man went up the stairs to go to bed after
a long night fell as he was half-way up. It so happened that
there was a glass bottle in the back pocket of his jeans, so
when he fell, he cut his bum.
The next time he tried, he got up. He went to get a bandaid and
went into the bathroom to stick it on. He finally got it stuck
on.
The next morning, when he recovered from his drunkness, he felt
his bum, to find that the bandaid wasn’t there anymore.
He decided to finally get up and out of bed, and as he went into
the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, he saw a
bandaid on the mirror!
Drunk driver
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the
highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer.
”I can’t do that, officer.”
”Why not?”
��because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that
tube.”
”Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”
”Can’t do that either, officer.”
”Why not?”
”Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”
”Alright, we could get a blood sample.”
”Can’t do that either, officer.”
”Why not?”
”Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”
”Fine then, just walk this white line.”
”Can’t do that either, officer.”
”Why not?”
”Because I’m drunk.”