Why Hockey Is Better Than Sex

25. It’s OK to bleed during play

24. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time-out

23. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from.

22. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment.

21. You can still play when you get married.

20. You can change on the fly.

19. Anytime you see an open net, you can go for it.

18. If you can’t get it up, who cares.

17. You can pull the goalie without getting yelled at.

16. You can score on all the teams in the league over and over
again.

15. It is broadcast live on TV.

14. Every one can shoot at the same goal.

13. You can shoot in the goal and it’s a good thing.

12. Because of the face-mask, nothing can get in your.

11. You always know how big the stick is.

10. It’s legal to play hockey professionally.

9. The puck is always hard.

8. Protective equipment is reusable, and you don’t ever have to
wash it.

7. It lasts a full hour.

6. You know you’re finished when the buzzer sounds.

5. Your parents cheer when you score.

4. Periods only last twenty minutes.

3. You can count on it at least twice a week.

2. You can tell your friends about it afterwards

And the # 1 reason why hockey is better than sex—A two-on-one
or three-on-one is common in hockey.

25 Differences Between College And High School

25 Differences Between College And High School

In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, on both.

In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide.

In college, there are no tardy slips.

In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.

In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.)

In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose. That is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.

In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.

In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration. In college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.

In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.

In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.

In college, weekends start on Thursday.

In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

Once you’ve obtained the information described in #16, it’s much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”

In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.

In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

College men are cuter than high school boys (or college woman are developed).

College women are legal.

In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were skip….uh, sick that day.

In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

Cold Bikers

Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon.

“Man! commented one… it’s FREEZING!!! and my coat won’t zip up. The cold air is killing me!!”

The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road. “Well, he said at last… you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn’t get so cold that way.”

“Great idea!” commented the other. “stop and let me swich.”

The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards.

“There! he said when he had compleated the swich. “I feel better already.”

The two of them climbed back on the Motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out “Is anybody hurt?”

One guy from the crowd replied “Well, the driver was dead when I got here, but the other guy was doing allright until we fixed his head.”

The Sick Blonde…

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”

“Not really,” the blonde replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the train.”

“Poor dear,” Mom said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”

“I couldn’t,” she replied, “there was no one there.”

Slammin ’em down!

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka.”

The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife!”

That hungry!!!

I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm.

I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.

The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating.

I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”

Saving Billy

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, “Help, Help.”

Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life.

After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, “Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!”

The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, “I have always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?”

“You bet!” said the President, “I’ll sign the papers this afternoon!”

Then the second fellow said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me in?”

“You bet I can,” said the President. “I’ll sign the papers for it this afternoon, too.”

After a few moments more, the third fellow said, “I’d like to know, can you get me buried in Arlington National Cemetery?”

Clinton, a bit startled, thought for a second or two, then said, “Sure, but tell me, aren’t you awfully young to be thinking about such things?”

“Nope,” replied the remaining fellow. “Because when I get home and tell my old man what I did today, he’s going to kill me!”