At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”The little boy nodded in the affirmative.”Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?”The little boy nodded yes.”So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”Again the little boy nodded.”Good,” said the coach, “now go over there and explain it to your mother.”
Author: admin
3 Sick Soldiers…
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks –
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir!”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front lines, Sir!”
“Good man!” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic piles, Sir!”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front lines, Sir!”
“Good man!” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir!”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two – Sir!”
The fully fledged alaskan
There’s this guy and he lives in the second largest state in America, which is California, and he want’s to live in the largest state of America which is Alaska.
So he goes there for a few weeks and decides he wants to become a fully-fledged Alskan, so he goes in this pub to ask a bar man what he has to do to become a fully fledged Alaskan.
The barnabs say’s “First you drink this liter of whisky, then you’ve got to kill a bear, and find a woman and rape her.”
The guy gets confused, so he asked the barman to repeat it.
He comes back a week later beaten to shit.
“What happened to you?” said the barman.
“I’m nearly a fully fledged alaskan, all I gotta do now is kill a woman”!
Thinnest World’s Book Is…
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.
15 things to do on a bus
1. Pretend you are saving the seat next to you for your
invisible friend, and if anyone tries to sit on the seat,
scream, “Don’t sit on Jake!”
2. When someone tries to get on the bus, tell them there is
another bus behind.
3. Say to someone you have never met before,”Oh my god! It’s
been ages since I’ve seen you! How’s John and Katy? It must have
been about 3 years”etc. See if they pretend to know you.
4. Shout, “FIRE!”, and when everyone gets off the bus, you will
get a seat.
5. Throw popcorn at people, and when they look at you, whistle
and hum so it is obvious that you are pretending you didn’t do
it.
6. Make a pass at the person sitting next to you.
7. Speak really loudly into your mobile, just saying, “yes. No.
Maybe. Pass. I dunno” etc.
8. Hold up the bus using your finger as a gun.
9. Use your bus pass as a FBI/Police card, and show it to
everyone.
10. tell the person next to you about how sick you get on buses
11. Keep shouting, “I need to go to the toilet!”
12. Offer your seat to someone, and when they try to take it,sit
down quickly and say,”MINE!”
13. Do the Full Monty, if you dare!
14. Say to someone, “I know what you did!”,or “I know where you
live” etc. in an evil voice.
15. Put your walkman on really loudly and dance in a crazy way.
If anyone else has anyother ideas, e-mail me at:
[email protected]
Assembly Required
A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting less responsibility,
decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided
that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college,
would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered
with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce,
he would have to go to school.
He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto
mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to
completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he
took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for
evaluation and awaited his final grade.
When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received.
Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade
like this.
2 blondes
2 blondes walk into a building you thought one of them would of seen it
Teenager 10 commandments
1) thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait?)
2) thou shall not do drugz
(alcohol last longer)
3) thou shall not steal from K-mart.
(Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)
4) thou shall not get arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect)
5) thou shall not steal from thy parents.
(every-1 knows grandma has more money)
6) thou shall not get in fights.
(just start them)
7) thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) thou shall not strip in class.
(hooters pays more)
9) thou shall not think about having sex.
(as nike sayz just do it)
10) thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.
(just leave them in the middle)
Mr Potato Head
Why is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?He’s tan, he’s cute, and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
Female Reindeer
Where do the female reindeer go when Santa and his male reindeer go do the Christmas run ?
They go into town and blow a few bucks !!!
March Planned For Next AugustBlind
March Planned For Next AugustBlind Bishop Appointed To SeeLingerie Shipment Hijacked–Thief Gives Police The SlipL.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By LandslidePatient At Death’s Door–Doctors Pull Him Through
Homeless.
Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.