Ingredients: 2 whole nuts, 1 large banana, 2 strong arms, 2 well
shaped legs, 1 fur lined mixing bowl, 4 loving eyes.
Mixing instructions: Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze
milk jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top
with nuts. Move in and out until cake is well creamed. Sigh with
relief, let cool. Do not lick the bowl. If cake starts to rise,
get out of town FAST!
Author: admin
2 brothers that shared a room
There were 2 brothers that shared a room. One was 18 and the other was 8. The
18 year old brought home his girlfriend at midnight. The little brother was
sleeping so they climbed quietly to the top bunk. Things started getting hot and
heavy so the guy told his girlfriend if she wants a new position to say
“lettuce” and if she wants him to stop say “tomatoes”. So she started saying
“lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes…. take it out I don’t want to get
pregnant.” The little boy woke up and screamed, “Stop making sandwiches up
their, your getting mayonaise all over my face!”
Opera is when a guy
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back,
and instead of bleeding, he sings.
Buying flowers
Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir,” urged the street vendor.
“I haven’t got a wife,” replied the young man.
“Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart.”
“I don’t have a sweetheart, either.”
“Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck.”
Girl Carpenter
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One
day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on
the empty lot.
The young family’s 6 year old daughter naturally took an
interest in all the activity going on next door and started
talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew – gems in
the rough all of them – more or less adopted her as a kind of
project
mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had
coffee and lunch breaks,and gave her little jobs to do here and
there to make her
feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a
pay envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the
appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the
dollar pay she had
received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed
with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her
very own pay
check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, “I’ve been working with a
crew building a house all week”.
“My goodness gracious”, said the teller, “and will you be
working on the house again this week too?”
“I will if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever
bring us the fucking bricks”, replied the little girl.
Blonde jokes
Q: what did santa say to the three blondes?
A :ho!ho!ho!
Moral dilemma
I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do.The situation: You are in the Midwest, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised, and infrastructure destroyed.Let’s say you’re a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. If you were to stumble across Bill Clinton struggling to keep from being swept away in a raging river and you had a choice of rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph of the death of a President. What shutter speed would you use?– Submitted by Angela Tuttle
Q: How many paranoids
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Just what exactly do you mean by that?
What the woman wants
An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office
Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like
expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio – Beverly
Hills, $100 an ounce!”
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very
arrogantly turns to the old woman and says,”Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!”
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her floor and is about to
get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the
eye, she bends over, and farts – and says, “Broccoli – 49 cents a pound.”
THE DIE HARD FAN
There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl.
He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was
somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for the last row, and it was WAY up
there. He couldn’t see the game, so he began looking around.
Close to the field he saw an empty seat, so he decided to go down there. He
reached the seat and asked the man next to the unoccupied seat if anyone was
seating there.
The man replied, “No.” So the guy sat down and struck up a conversation.
“Who would have a seat right next to the field and not come?!?”
The man answers, “Oh, that was my wife’s seat.”
“Where is she?” the guy replied.
“She died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry…don’t you have anyone else to come with you, a brother, or
friend?”
“No, they couldn’t come.”
“Why?”
“Because they are at her funeral.”
Q: How many school
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Let’s see: 2 A+’s, 3 A’s, 5 A-‘s, 11 B+’s, 9 B’s, 21 B-‘s…
Retired Old Man
An old man gets sent to a retirement home by his son. The next
day he wakes up with a boner and the most beautiful nurse walks
in and gives him a blow-job, Doesn’t say a word just blows him.
The old man calls his son and starts thanking him “Thank you son
this is the best; thank you so much” the son says “that’s great
dad what happened” the old man replies “well I woke up with a
boner this morning and the most beautiful nurse came in and blew
me, Didn’t say a word just blew me” “wow! sounds great dad have
fun” replies the son.
Later that day the old mans walking down the hall when he falls
and can’t get up. Then some big hillbilly comes up fucks him in
the ass and leaves him laying on the floor. The old man finally
manages to get to his room and call his son “son you gotta get
me out of this place, it’s horrible” “Wooo! dad what’s so wrong
you got a blow-job this morning it can’t be to bad”. “well I was
walking down the hall today” replies the old man “when a big
hillbilly comes up to me laying on the floor and fucks me up the
ass and just leaves me laying on the floor”.
“Well it can’t be to bad dad you got a blow-job this morning!”
says the son. The old man replies “you don’t understand I wake
up with a boner once a month I fall three-four times a day!”