Category: the battle of the sexes

A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to
on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed
a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.

The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty
years ago.”

The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he
immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like
never before.

Back in the car, the guy says, “Darlin’, you sure never moved like that
forty years ago–or any time since that I can remember!”

The woman says, “Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn’t electrified!”

An archeologist returned to Egypt a few years after WWII ended having been
earlier chased out from the digs by the Nazi Invasion.
Through the local grapevine he contacted his old trusted pre-war guide Ahmed
and arranged to meet him at the crossroads to the digs they used to meet at
before the war.
at the specified date the archeologist waited at the crossroads and viewed his
guide approaching him and as they met and warmly embraced, he exclaimed “Ah –
Ahmed it is wonderful to see you again after all these years. But tell me this,
before the war when we met you would be riding the donkey and your wife would
walk in the dust 20 yards behind you. But today we meet an your wife now rides
the donkey and you walk behind her 20 yards in the dust. What is happening, do
we now have Women�s Liberation in Egypt.”
Ahmed sadly shook his head no and replied – “Ah Effendi – we have women�s lib
here in Egypt – yes – but this is much, much worse LAND MINES.”

A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.She approached one of the women for an explanation. “This is marvelous,” said the journalist. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”Replied the Kuwaiti woman: “Land mines”

How do you know when a sorority girl is a nymphomaniac?

She’ll make love the same day she had her hair done.

10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
4. Small talk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild.

Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting less responsibility,
decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided
that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college,
would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered
with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce,
he would have to go to school.
He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto
mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to
completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he
took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for
evaluation and awaited his final grade.

When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received.
Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade
like this.

Then their was this fellow who loved his wife’s butt so much, that he
was constantly telling her what Beautiful Buns she had.

He would come home from work and compliment her on her Beautiful Buns; as
she was doing the dishes he would expound on the virtues of her Beautiful
Buns; even at church, he would lean over over and whisper to her what he
wanted to do with those Beautiful Buns.

When his birthday arrived, the wife wanted to do something really
special, she decided to have the words “Beautiful Buns” tatooed to her
butt.

She went down to the tatoo parlor, but they said it would cost $500. This
being a bit more than he was prepared to spend, she asked what she could
get for $50.

After a bit of discussion they decided that for $50 the guy
would tatoo just a “B” and a “B” on each cheek.

That evening when her husband walked in the door, she immediatly turned
around, dropped her pants, and said “Happy Birthday!”

Her husband said “Who the hell is Bob?”

10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.8. Crying can be fun.7. FAT CLOTHES. 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:1. OTHER WOMEN!Send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends.

The Lambert’s were shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Lambert made it
clear he was in a big hurry. “No fancy stuff, Doctor,” he ordered. “No gas or
needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”

“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you,” said the dentist
admiringly. “Now, which tooth is it?”

Mr. Lambert turned to his wife Jenny: “Show him your tooth, Honey.”

Men are like…..Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.