Category: the battle of the sexes

Q: Why are men like diapers?
a: Because there always on your ass and usually full of s***.

Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
They like being able to both eat and make love in less than 5 minutes.

WOMEN’S BRAINS COST LESS…The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. ‘Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant.This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.”Well, how much does a brain cost?’ asked the relatives. ‘For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000.’Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked. Then the patient’s daughter asked, ‘Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?”A standard pricing practice,’ said the head of the team, ‘women’s brains have to be marked down because they are used.’

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ”Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says ”I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?””’But why?” asks the man.”I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Q: Why do men like love at first sight?
A: It saves them a lot of time.

I once had a psychic boyfriend, but before we could meet, he knew the relationship wouldn’t work..–Submitted by Alexandra B->

Once a woman told a man that they use alligators to make shoes.
He shook his head and said, “What will they teach them to do next?”

It is two o’clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, “Hello? How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?” promptly slamming the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, “Who was that?” The husband replies, “I don’t know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.”

Q. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she’s given her last blowjob.

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

10. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

She holds on to it, and the world revolves around her.