A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. “This is the Klopman diamond,” she said. “It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.””What’s the curse?” the man asked.”Mr. Klopman.”
Category: the battle of the sexes
How do men exercise at the beach?
Q. How do men exercise at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Men and sharing
Q: Why won’t a man make a commitment?
A: He’s afraid he’d have to share his beer and pretzels.
The expert
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t
want to try these techniques at home.”
� Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.
� I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained.
“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,
often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you
try carrying several things at once?'”
� Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked.
� Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make
breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
Coffee vs. women part 2
Why Coffee is Better than Women – Part II
23.If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on weight.
24.No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
25.A big cup or small cup? It doesn’t matter.
26.Your coffee doesn’t talk to you.
27.Coffee smells good in the morning.
28.Coffee is good when it’s cold too.
29.Coffee stains are easier to remove.
30.Coffee doesn’t care when you dunk things in it.
31.Coffee doesn’t care what kind of mood you’re in.
32.Coffee doesn’t shed.
33.Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
34.You can’t get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
35.Coffee doesn’t mind being ground.
36.No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
37.Coffee doesn’t have a time of the month – it’s good all the time.
38.When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
39.When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pub in the back of your
throat.
40.Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.
41.Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at 3 am and decide to have a cup.
42.INSTANT COFFEE!
43.You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
44.It can take up to two weeks for coffee to grow mold.
45.Your coffee won’t be jealous of a larger cup.
Purpose of erections
Did you hear about the man that was so dumb that he thought the purpose of an
erection was to get rid of the wrinkles in his penis?
Same Wish
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, “And what will your third wish be?”
The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?”
“You have had two wishes already,” the genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left.”
“Okay,” said the man, “I don’t believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.”
“Funny,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. “That was your first wish, too.”
Mutual orgasms
Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A: An insurance company.
Jerky.
Q. What food describes most men?
A. Jerky.
Dirty mind
Mr. Hamilton, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl’s junior college,
said during class, “Miss Smyth, would you please name the organ of the human
body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal
size, and define the conditions�.
Miss Smyth gasped, then said freezing, “Mr. Hamilton, I don’t think that is a
proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that
she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Hamilton called on Miss Johnston and asked the same question.
Miss Johnston, with composure, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light�.
“Correct,” said Mr. Hamilton.
� And now, Miss Smyth, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not
studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be
faced with a dreadful disappointment.”
There are only two four letter words that…
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:
“don’t” and “stop”.
What do you get when you cross a sorority girl wit
What do you get when you cross a sorority girl with an ape?
Don’t know. There’s only so much an ape can be forced to do.