Yours Fun Portal !
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”
So, she became a man.
HIM: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Leave HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because she’s too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it 9. Enter PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit “cancel” 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 12a. Hit “cancel” 12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. STOP 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in gear, reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Travel 3 miles 41. Release parking brake
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
How does a high school boy propose to a girl?
“You’re having a what!”
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old
lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?” �
The other replies, “Oh sure I do.” �
The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?”
�The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.” �
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the
beach?”
Q. What�s the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
1) When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot
of somebody crying.
2) Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
3) All your orgasms are real.
4) A beer gut doesn’t make you invisible to the opposite sex.
5) Guy in hockey masks doesn�t attack you (unless you smash ’em into the
boards).
6) You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
7) You understand why Stripes is funny.
8) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
9) Your last name stays put.
10) You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, ‘Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.’His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, ‘That’s the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, . . . I accept!’
A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.’Take my advice,’ said the neighbor, ‘and do what I did.Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out :’Is that you, Jim ?’ And that cured him.”Cured him!’ asked the woman, ‘but how ?’The neighbor said, ‘You see, his name is Bill.’
A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
The genie said, “OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three… You only get one wish!”
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”
The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible!!!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete — how much steel!! No, think of another wish.”
The man said, “OK, I’ll try to think of a really good wish.”
Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive.
So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say “nothing,”, know how to make them truly happy.”
The genie said, “Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?”
Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of
her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. “I’d like the bathroom
done in white!”
Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, “Green up! Green up!”
“I want the bedroom in blue!” continued the woman.
The contractor listened and yelled out the window, “Green up! Green up!”
“The halls should be done in beige!” she instructed. Again, the man barked out
the window, “Green up! Green up!”
“Will you stop that?!” shouted the woman. “Every time I give you a color, all
you do is shout ‘Green up!’ What the devil does that mean?”
‘Tm real sorry, ma’am!” explained Corbett. “But I got three Oklahoma
basketball players down there tryin’ to put in the front lawn!”
A man lying in a hospital bed when the doctor walks in
“Mr. smith, I have some good news & bad news,
which would you like first?” “I’ll have the
bad news first” he replied “we had to amputate both of your legs”
“oh no, oh lord-give me the good news” the man exclaimed
“well the good news is the man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers!”