Category: the battle of the sexes

What does the Bermuda Triangle and sorority girls have in common?

They’ve both swallowed a lot of semen.

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour,
the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said�, what is this?”

� Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.

� I don’t care what it has been�, he sputtered. “What is it now?”

One day a father and his five year old son went to the bank to cash a check.
There was a few people in front of them waiting for the bank teller. The lady
in front of them was a rather large well dressed business lady.
The kid could not help but notice her size. “Dad looks at her! She is so
huge!”

The father replied, “Be quiet! You must be polite and don’t hurt her
feelings.”

The kid persisted, “But dad she must weigh as much as a truck!”

The father, rather embarrassed, said, “Stop it or I’ll take you outside!”

Just about then the ladies pager goes off … “beep… beep… beep…”

The kid screams “Dad look out! She’s backing up!”

Editor’s note: Not to ruin the joke, but it might be a bit offensive, especially to those sensitive to women and violence issues. Thus endeth the Warning.——There was a Women’s Rights Meeting, and all the Women who had been “liberated” previously were planning on getting together and discussing their various successes.An English woman stood up and said, “After our last meeting, I went straight home and told my husband that I was not going to cook for him any more, I am not here just to serve him, and he better start pulling his own weight. After the first day, I could not see any changes, after the second day, still could not see anything, after the third day, he cooked a meal, it was not the best thing I have tasted, but it was a start, and now, 6 months later I am getting gourmet meals all the time.”An American woman stood up, and said, ” After our last meeting, I went straight home, and told my husband that I was not going to iron for him any more, after the first day, I could not see any changes, after the second day, I still could not see anything, after the third day, still nothing, but on the fourth day, he woke up and ironed his own shirt, and now he does all the ironing, his, mine and the kids.”An Australian woman stood up, and said, ” After our last meeting I went home and told my husband that I was not going to cook or iron for him any more, and if he wished to keep me, he better start appreciating me, after the first day, I could not see anything, after the second day, I still could not see anything, after the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye………….”

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organised for a leg over.After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.”Your organ,” she replied. “It’s a bit on the small side.”Hurt, he replied: “It’s not used to playing in cathedrals.”

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, ‘I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mother and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.’That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and thought, ‘I don’t fucking think so.'(Rated R just because a guy rated the joke.)

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?”

What is the difference between sorority girls and hookers?

Sorority girls cost less per score.

My wife asked me for one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive
vehicles for Christmas, but I bought her a beautiful
diamond ring instead. Somebody needs to invent a fake
Jeep.

A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he
sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The
speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets
even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes a
gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a
cigarette?”

“Ten years!”, he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls
out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that
good!”

Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out
a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her
wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some
real fun?”

And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in
there!”

For decades two heroic statues, one male and one female,faced each
other in a city park,until one day an angel came down from heaven.
“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, “that
I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both
to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want
to.” And with a clap of his hand, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly but soon
dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged
a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of
branches. Fifteen minutes later the two statues
emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the
angel, winking conspiratorically.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue
turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Only
this time you hold the pigieon down, and I’ll
shit on it’s head.

She: “Do you think of me when you’re away darling?”

He: “Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.”