Category: the battle of the sexes

One day a women was having a baby, and she asked the doctor “What can you do for the pain, for I’ve heard having a baby hurts a lot.”, then the doctor told her he had a option for her. She could transmit some of her pain to the father of the baby, so the women and her husband agreed to give it a try. So the doctor tried giving the husband 25% of the pain, and he felt no effect, so the doctor and the couple decided to give the husband 50% of the pain instead. Well, he still felt no pain, so the doctor increased it to 100% of the pain. In the end of the birth, the baby was crying, the mother relived to have no pain and the husband had felt no pain at all. In the next few days, they all came home from the hospital and found the mailman dead on the porch!

A man complained to his wife, one morning, that he was too ill to go to work. When she asked him what was wrong, he replied that he had loose bowels, stomachache and pains in his genitals. His wife decided to telephone the doctor for advice and when she described his symptoms the doctor asked if she could call into the surgery with a sample of her husbands feces, urine and sperm.She went upstairs to her husband who asked her what the doctor had said. “Oh” she replied, “he wants me to bring in a pair of your undershorts!”

What’s the difference between sorority girls and garbage?

Garbage gets taken out once a week.

Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton were in the sauna naked when Bill looked down at Jesse’s dick and exclaimed “Wow Jesse, your dick is huge! How do you get it so big?” and Jesse says “Well Bill, every night before I go to sleep I take it out and slam my dick across the headboard of my bed and it gets bigger and stays that way.” That night Bill and Hillary were laying in bed and Hillary gets up and goes to the bathroom. Bill remembers what Jesse said about making his dick larger and Bill thinks this is a great time to try it. So He gets up, takes his dick out and starts banging it across the headboard. Just then Hillary yells out from the bathroom “Is that you Jesse?”

Why does a sorority girl wear underwear?

To keep her ankles warm.

There was a lady who went to the tattoo parlor and got two tattoos, one of a
turkey on her inside left thigh and another on her inside right thigh.

She
got home and showed her husband and he asked “Why did you get those
there?”

She said “Because you’re always bitching that you never have anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; “Get gas
and free sex here”. So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped,
filled up went inside to pay.

“Pick a number from 1 – 10 to get free sex.” said the cashier.

“Uh, okay, 3!” the man replied.

“Nope! Sorry play again”.

So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the same place,
because he wanted his free sex. One day he was really ticked:

“This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to have
free sex!” He screamed.

“Oh no! It’s not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times last week
alone!”

The husband came home after his annual physical and told his wife the doctor
needs a urine specimen, a stool sample, and a semen sample. “That’s easy,” said
the wife. “Just give him a pair of your underwear.”

My wife says I never listen to her.

At least I think that’s what she said.

Q: Why don’t women have watches?

A: Because there is a clock on the stove.

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies
provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best
describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverish nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee…).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don’t have a favorite way because I don’t like Oreos.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing – this means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to
be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally
irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.

2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people
who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination,
but that’s OK, not to worry, you’re normal.

3. Slow and Methodical. You follow the rules. You’re very tidy and orderly.
You’re very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the Point of
being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if
you’re only going to go the speed limit

4. Feverish Nibbles. Your boss likes you because you get your work done
quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do
them. Mental breakdowns run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you
good.

5. Dunked. Every one likes you because you are always upbeat. You like
to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations in to good
ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a
propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie. You have a highly curious
nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work,
though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the
evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You
are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie. You are good at
business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest
away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be
ashamed of yourself. But that’s OK, you don’t care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside. You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them. Stay away from small furry animals
and seek professional medical help- immediately.

10. I don’t have a favorite way, I don’t like Oreo cookies. You probably come
from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale
restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and
wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima
Donna. There’s just no pleasing you.

Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll?

You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.