Yours Fun Portal !
A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was
reading the ads in the paper.
He looked up and said, “Here is a great sale on tires!”
His wife replied, “What do you want tires for? You don’t have a car.”
He came back with, “I don’t complain when you go out and buy a new bra!”
A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ”If you were my husband I would poison your drink.”The man replied, ”If you were my wife I would drink it.”
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, “How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She glanced at him casually and replied, “You’re never home!”
On the eve of her wedding, the bride-to-be confessed to her best friend that she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn’t a virgin.
“No problem,” said the friend. “Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You’ll feel nice and tight and he’ll never know the difference.”
She went ahead and followed her friend’s advice.
On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere.
The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read:
Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I can’t go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together.
Goodbye darling.
P.S: …Your pussy is in the refrigerator!
A husband, wife, and a son walk into an ice-cream shop.
The dad says, “I’ll have a chocolate�. The wife says, “I’ll have a vanilla�.
Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says, “What do you want
fat head?”
The lady helping them says “Why did you hit him in the back of the head and
call him fat head?”
The husband says, “There are three things in life a man wants:
The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice big truck sitting
there (outside) that’s my nice truck!!!
The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house. You seen that nice
big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That’s my big house!!!
The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy, and I had that
until fat head came along!!!”
Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don’t?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.
Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator
A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike.
The officer says, “Pull over,” and the driver pulls over to the side of the road.
He says, “I’m sorry, officer, was I speeding?”
The police officer says, “No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back.”
The man replies, “Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf!”
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, “What’s that for?” “It’s for your headache”, he replies “But I don’t have a headache”, she states. He replies, “Gotcha!”
An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”
“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Live life the way YOU want to and love every moment of it and NEVER let
any one person take over your life ’cause then you are not living for
yourself”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make sure you have a pen and paper to write down all of your answers… or
just a really good memory. Try to imagine this happening…
1) You are walking to your love’s house. There are two roads to get there.
One is a straight path which takes you there quickly, but it is very plain
and boring. The other is curvy and full of wonderful sights on the way,
but it takes quite a while to reach your loved one’s house.
Do you choose the short or the long path?
2) On the way, you see two rose bushes. One is full of red roses, the
other is full of white roses. You decide to pick 20 roses for your love.
You can give your love any kind of color combination of roses that you
choose. All white, 15 red and 5 white, half and half, 19 white and 1 red,
whatever!
What color combination do you choose?
3) You finally reach your love’s house. You ring the bell and the maid
answers. You can ask the maid to please get your loved one for you, or you
may go upstairs and get your love yourself.
Do you ask the maid or get your love yourself?
4) Now, you go upstairs to your love’s room. No one is there. You want to
suprise your love by leaving the roses on the bed or by the windowsill.
Do you leave the roses on the bed or windowsill?
5) Later, it’s time for bed. You and your loved one go to sleep in
separate rooms. You wake up early in the morning to check on your love.
You enter the room.
Is your love awake or sleeping?
6) It’s time to go now, and you start to head back. You can take either
path home now: the plain, boring one that gets you home fast or the curvy,
sight filled path that you can casually take your time with and enjoy the
view on your way home.
Do you choose the short or long path home?
The interpretations are below… Make a wish about your love on your way
down!
* falling stars*
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
******************
*******************
********************
*********************
**********************
***********************
************************
*************************
************************
***********************
**********************
*********************
********************
*******************
******************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
Hope you made a wish!
Interpretations:
1) If you chose the short path to reach your love’s house, you fall love
quickly, easily, and probably very often. If you chose the long path, hit
takes you a while to trust someone and fall in love.
2) The number of roses you choose of each color determines how much of
yourself you give in a relationship and how much you expect from the other
person. The number of white is how much of yourself you give, the nuumber
of red is how much you expect from your partner. For example, if you chose
all white, you give yourself fully and unconditionally in a relationship.
If you chose half and half your relationships are equally balanced. Or if
you chose a few more red than white you tend to take a bit more than give
in a relationship.
3) If you asked the maid to go get your love for you, you tend to avoid
confrontation and ignore problems in your relationship for as long as
possible. If you went to get your loved one yourself you always bring up
problems with your partner and want them resolved quickly. You don’t mind
fighting once in a while.
4) If you left the roses on the bed, you’re very attached and you want to
see your love all the time. If you left the roses on the windowsill, you
don’t mind just seeing your love once in a while.
5) If your love is awake you want for them to change. If you chose
sleeping, you love them just the way they are.
6) If you chose the short path home, you tend to fall out of love easily.
You are fickle and have a tendency to bounce around from relationship to
relationship. It is easy for you to get over someone. If you chose the
long path home, you stay in love for a long time. When you fall, you fall
hard.
Now..about that wish…
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied