Category: relationships

Fred: Why is your brother so small?
Harry: He’s my half-brother.

25. It’s OK to bleed during play

24. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time-out

23. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from.

22. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment.

21. You can still play when you get married.

20. You can change on the fly.

19. Anytime you see an open net, you can go for it.

18. If you can’t get it up, who cares.

17. You can pull the goalie without getting yelled at.

16. You can score on all the teams in the league over and over
again.

15. It is broadcast live on TV.

14. Every one can shoot at the same goal.

13. You can shoot in the goal and it’s a good thing.

12. Because of the face-mask, nothing can get in your.

11. You always know how big the stick is.

10. It’s legal to play hockey professionally.

9. The puck is always hard.

8. Protective equipment is reusable, and you don’t ever have to
wash it.

7. It lasts a full hour.

6. You know you’re finished when the buzzer sounds.

5. Your parents cheer when you score.

4. Periods only last twenty minutes.

3. You can count on it at least twice a week.

2. You can tell your friends about it afterwards

And the # 1 reason why hockey is better than sex—A two-on-one
or three-on-one is common in hockey.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But, there is something that is perhaps more dangerous than anything else.’ The dietician peered into the crowd and asked, ‘Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to?’

A handful of people in the audience raised their hands with possible answers.

‘Yes, you, sir, in the first row,’ said the dietician. ‘Please give us your idea.’

The man grinned and blurted, ‘Wedding cake!’

there was a lady

A man who forgets his wife’s birthday is certain to get something to remember
her by.

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine.
Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy
said, “Ya know Mahtha, I’d like ta get a ride in that theah
aihplane.”

And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that
aihplane ride costs ten dollahs…. And ten dollahs is ten
dollahs.”

So Stumpy says, “By Jeebers Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old. If I don’t
go this time I may nevah go.” Martha replies “Stumpy, that there
aihplane ride is ten dollahs…and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”

So the pilot overhears them and says, “Folks, I’ll make you a
deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet
for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you,
but just one word and it’s ten dollars.”

They agree and up they go…. The pilot does all kinds of twists
and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it
one more time; still nothing…. So he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I
did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but
you didn’t.” And Stumpy replies “Well, I was gonna say something
when Mahtha fell out…but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!”

There once was a man who went on an expidition and he found something. It
said “Rub Me” so he did. Out popped a genie. The genie said to the man, “I
will grant you one wish.” The guy said, “I thought I get 3 wishes?” The
genie said, “No. One take it or leave it!” The guy said, “I’LL TAKE IT,
I’LL TAKE IT!!”

So the guy takes it and says, “I am afraid of flying so I want you to
build me a Freeway from my house to Hawaii.” The genie says, “Are you
nuts!!!”

So the guy thinks and says, “Ok — Ok.” So the guy thinks for a little
while and he finally come up with a wish for the genie. The guy says, “I
want to learn all about women. How they think? How come they keep dumping
me? And how I can make they love me so I can keep them?” So the genie
thinks and thinks and thinks and finally the genie says to the man…..
“Did you want that freeway with 2 lanes or 4???”