Category: rednecks

You might be a redneck if…

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You can’t tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.

HOW DO U KNOW WHAT A 500 YAER OLD SKUL IS???
AND AT THAT KNOW IT WAS A WOMAN???
THATS BECAUSE HER MOUTH WAS OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: What does a red neck call the phone company?
A: Taco Bell!

You grow your sideburns longer and fuller because it looks so good on your
sister.

You honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
tongue gestures.

While vacationing in the hills of Arkansas, the big city man discovered he had no writing paper at all for his personal correspondence.He went into the small town near-by and found only an old-fashioned country store. Behind the counter was a really nice looking young lass, quite obviously a local farm girl.He asked, “Do you keep stationery?””Well,” she giggled, “I can…until I have an orgasm, then I just go plain wild and crazy!”

why do they make glow in the dark condoms?

so gay guys can play star wars at night.

On a hot blistering summer day, a redneck cowboy comes ridding into town on
his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under the shade of a
tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman
comes into the bar and asks who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck
cowboy said that it was his. The policeman said, “Your dog seems to be in heat�.
The redneck cowboy replies, “No way dog’s in heat, he’s cool cause I got’im tied
under the shade of the tree�. The policeman says, “No! You don’t understand;
your dog needs to be bred.” No way”, the redneck cowboys say, “dog don’t need
bread, he’s not hungry, cause I fed him beef jerky this morning”. Now policeman
gets mad and yells out; “NO! You don’t seem to understand, your dog wants to
have sex!” The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, “Go ahead. I always wanted
a police dog!”

You’re a redneck if…. Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips
before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

A Bama Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.

“Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.

“What do you think I’ve been doing,” the grad said, “shoving them up my ass?”

How do you circumcise a redneck?Kick his sister in the chin.

You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.You put a Clapper on your headlights.