Category: rednecks

In a small southern town I saw a wonderful nativity scene, but one feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a convenience store on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!”

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face, she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar!'”

Two rednecks are walking down the street. One of them looks over
and sees a dog licking himself on the sidewalk. He turns to the
other redneck and says, “Hey look at that dog, don’t you wish
you could do that?” The other redneck says, “Yeah, but don’t you
think the dog will bite me?”

You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk.

But the pilot objected he said, “The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.”

One of the hunters pushed forward, “Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What’s with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.”

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, “Do you know where we are?”

“I think so,” replied the other Redneck.

“Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!”

A Kentucky family took a holiday to New York City.

For an adventure the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by everything they saw – especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.

The boy asked,
‘What’s that there, Paw?’

The father responded,
‘Well son, I reckon I never did see nothing like this in my entire life. I got no darned idea what it is.’

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened again and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said,
‘Go git your Maw.’

Hail hits your house and you have to take it to the body shop for an estimate.

You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.None of your zippers have all their teeth either. 49.You are driving the car you were conceived in.You’ve ever used scissors on food.

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.””Chickens, eh?”says one guy.”Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?””Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ’em.”The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”

You might be a redneck if you go to a dance, and they say do the ho down and you throw your wife on the ground.

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring
back more than you took.

Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.After the divorce you still call your Ex “Cuz”.You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.

Your momma’s so fat she can be classified as Mrs. Jiggle Puff.