Category: other

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: He was stapled to the chicken!

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!One day, the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. “You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what has been going on!”The missionary replies: “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence – what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”The chief pauses for a moment then says, “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white child.”

Texas State Troopers

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a
state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his
nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks
him in the head with the stick.

The driver says, “Why’d you do that?”

The trooper says, “You’re in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you’ll
have your license ready.”

Driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”

The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He
gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side
and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the
trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”

The cop says, “Just making your wishes come true.”

The passenger says, “Huh?”

The cop says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say,
‘I
wish that SOB would’ve tried that shit with me.'”

“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a group of young people. “Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!”He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, “And tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!””Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”

These three guys – an American, Chinese, and German – were
shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle.
So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther
(the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a GENIE
POPPED OUT! The genie granted them each one wish, and of course all
three wanted to be back home. So the genie said he would grant them
their wishes.

“But first, you must all do me a favor. Mr. American – I want you
to built me a restaurant here. Mr. German – you will make the kitchen
for this restaurant. Mr. Chinaman – you will get the supplies for the
restaurant. I have a hot date waiting for me in Bagdad, so I have to
go. But I will return in ONE MONTH. At that time, if you satisfied my
requirements, I will grant your wishes.”

So for one month, the three men American and German toiled while
the Oriental kinda lazed around and gave a helping hand to the other
two. Then about 4 days before the genie’s expected return, the
Oriental disappeared.

Well, the genie came back, just as he promised, and asked to be
shown what they had done.

He was amazed by the restaurant! Five dining rooms, a tremendous
main lobby – all made of bamboo! It was a magnificent feat. As for the
kitchen – full utensils, running gas stoves, pots, pans – all made
from shells, bamboo, and coconuts. An absolute wonder!

“But where are the supplies from Mr. Chinaman?”

The two men said they didn’t know. All they knew was that he had
disappered a few days ago and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him
since then. Suddenly from the shadows, out leaped the Oriental,
shouting in a loud voice:

“SUPLISE!!!!!!!!!”

Saint Diana of Wales offers this vision of what the 24th century would be like under today’s management techniques.

• After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher begins doing medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel while Worf slaughters everyone he considers “weak”.
• Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his positronic brain isn’t properly documented. He curses Dr. Suhn’s record keeping as he’s stripped for parts.
• All members of the ship’s maintenance crew are required to be involved in Quality Circles. The loss of productive work time causes them to cut back on scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core breach that kills everyone.
• Commander Riker is fired after a round of “right sizing”. Star Fleet decided that it didn’t really need someone to seduce alien females and smirk a lot.
• As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Piccard is forced to allow Troi to wear uniforms that cover her breasts.
• Star Fleet decides to adopt the Borg “Team Building” methods and requires all newborn babies to be implanted with computer interface devices. As a bonus this cuts down on carpal tunnel disability claims.
• The Enterprise finds that it can no longer communicate with Star Fleet Command because they’re still running an old version of Windows and can’t get budget approval for the upgrade.
• As part of a cycle time reduction plan, the crew is ordered to cut the time necessary to encounter and escape from new life forms from once a week to 5 days a week. A re-use program is introduced under the nickname RERUNS (Reap Earnings and Royalties Using No-longer-produced Shows).
• Piccard is ordered to go to diversity sensitivity training after system logs indicate that he has repeatedly disparaged the Ferengis, the Q and the Romulans.
• A ship-wide reorganization results in Worf becoming the ship’s counsellor, Dr. Crusher taking over the engine room, Deanna managing weapons, Data running sick bay and Geordi at the helm. They were conquered by a Klingon freighter 15 minutes later.
• The crew mutinies when they are given their annual performance reviews and find that, despite saving the universe numerous times, they’re still only getting 3% raises.

insane test:

http://kornyhiv-insane.cjb.net

Un d�a en clases de educaci�n para la salud, la maestra le pregunta a Jaimito, “�qu� medicamento es bueno para la diarrea?”

Jaimito muy seguro responde: “El brandy maestra.”

La maestra asombrada le dice, “Jaimito, el brandy es una bebida alcoholica y no es un medicamento.”

Jaimito le dice: “�s�, pero mi mam� le dice a mi pap� todas las noches, toma
brandy a ver si se te para esa mierda!”

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
A: Dam.

Un hombre muy seguro de s� mismo entra a un Bar y se sienta enseguida de una mujer muy atractiva. El hombre la ve despistadamente y mira su reloj por un momento. La chica nota esto y le pregunta:

“�Tu chica no lleg� a tiempo?”

“No”, contesta �l. “Simplemente que acabo de comprar este reloj muy sofisticado.”

“�Sofisticado? �Qu� tiene de especial?”, dice la chica.

“Pues ver�s, este reloj se comunica telep�ticamente conmigo a trav�s de rayos Alfa.”

“�Y qu� es lo que te dice ahora?”

“Pues me dice que t� no est�s vistiendo ropa interior.”

La mujer sonri�ndose le dice: “Pues tal vez tu reloj no funciona porque s� visto ropa interior.”

El hombre le contesta: “�Cabr�n! Se me hace que este pinche reloj anda adelantado una hora.”

ok this guy was eating this gurl out and he sow a pea and he was
like what is this and she said nutin keep going..
so he keeps on going and then he finds a carrot and he was like
what is this and she said again nuttin keep going….
so he keeps on eating her out and he finds a piece of beef and
he said what is this bitch and she said nuttin and he said no he
said are you fucking sick so something she said no my last
boyfriend was………

The only thing that separates us from the animals
is mindless superstition and pointless rituals.