Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the
other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took
the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said,
“I think I’ll get up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the physician, “I’ll
get it for you.” While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the
physician’s shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other
attorney said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the
physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney
picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat
back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Physician slipped his
feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this
go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This
animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”
Category: other
What Not To Say in Kansas
The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, “I can’t believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!”
The magistrate looked at him and replied, “And you must be what’s passing through.”
The I.R.S. condom
A young man and his girlfriend decide its time for them to make love for the first time.They go to the local pharmacy and decide on a popular condom,priced at one dollar a piece.Embarassed, they give it to the clerk ,who scans it and says”That will be $1.07″ The young man ,looking confused, asks the clerk”They say over there,a dollar a piece,whats the 7cents for? To which the clerk replies”Tax”.The young man hands over the money,looks at his girlfriend and says “Oh,good,I was wondering what held it on”.
Old man golfing
Jesus, Moses, and and old man go golfing. Jesus hits his ball into the water hazard. He walks on the water, hits his ball, and gets a two.
Moses hits his ball into the water hazard, parts the water, hits his ball, and gets a two.
Tho old man hits his ball two feet, a bird picks it up, drops it two inches from the hole, and a rabbit bumps it in and he gets a hole in one.
Then Moses turns to Jesus, and says, “why do you always have to bring your old man golfing with us?”
Very stupid robbers
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”
Un hombre va a un
Un hombre va a un burdel y pide una puta barata:
“�Qu� le parece una de $10,000?”
“Qu� va, que va, m�s barata.”
“�Quiz�s mil?”
“Pero usted debe creerse que yo soy Onnasis, �no?”
“�Y cien?”
“Venga hombre. �Est� loco?”
“Pues mire, v�yase a la de la ultima puerta que es gratis.”
“Esa me gusta, voy para all�.”
El t�o va leyendo carteles en los que pone: Puta americana, puta francesa, puta inglesa, puta alemana, puta rusa… y en la �ltima puerta lee: “�Puta calle!”
Entra un abogado a un
Entra un abogado a un cajero automatico, de �sos que tienen un sofisticado sistema de seguridad, y de pronto empieza el sistema a sonar una estruendosa alarma acompa�ada de luces y una voz digital que anuncia a todo volumen:
“Ladr�n-Ladr�n-Ladr�n…”
El abogado retira la tarjeta de la ranura del cajero, la examina y dice:
“�Con una…! �Me equivoqu�… introduje mi tarjeta profesional!”
Different people look for different
Different people look for different things in the Ten Commandments.
Some are looking for divine guidance, some for a code of living, but
most people are looking for loopholes.
-Sam Levenson
Est� Pepito caminando con su
Est� Pepito caminando con su hermano y pasan por un tendedero de ropa, ven unos calzones y su hermano le dice a Pepito: “Esos calzones son de mam�.”
“No, no son.”
“Que s� son.”
“Bueno, vayamos a preguntar.”
Tocan la puerta y abre una se�ora:
“�En qu� les puedo servir.”
Pepito:
“Disculpe, se�ora, �de quien son esos calzones?”
“�De tu reputa madre, grosero!”
“Viste, Pepito, te lo dije.”
Baby Boomers Then and Now
Then: Being caught with Hustler magazineNow: Being caught by Hustler magazineThen: Hoping for a BMWNow: Hoping for a BMThen: The Grateful DeadNow: Dr. KevorkianThen: Getting out to a new, hip jointNow: Getting a new hip jointThen Mood StonesNow: Kidney StonesThen: Moving to California because it’s coolNow: Moving to California because it’s warmThen: Being called into the principal’s officeNow: Storming into the principal’s officeThen: Screw the system!Now: System upgrade.Then: Peace SignNow: Mercedes LogoThen: Getting your head stonedNow: Getting your headstoneThen: ”The Making of the President”Now: The making of the PresidentThen: ”Going blind”Now: REALLY going blindThen: Long hairNow: Longing for hairThen: Father Knows BestNow: Go ask your mother!Then: Parents begging you to get a haircut.Now: Children begging you to get their head shaved.Then: Acid rockNow: Acid refluxThen: The perfect highNow: The perfect high-yield mutual fundThen: KegNow: EKGThen: Take acidNow: Take antacidThen: VW MicrobusNow: Voyager MinivanThen: Thai StickNow: Thai FoodThen: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parentsNow: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kidsThen: Passing the driving testNow: Passing the vision testThen: Seeds and stemsNow: RoughageThen: Popping pills, smoking jointsNow: Popping jointsThen: Whatever!Now: ”Depends”Then: OmmmmmmNow: UmmmmmmThen: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth TaylorNow: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
26 razones para mantenerse soltero
26 razones para mantenerse soltero y salir corriendo a comprar un perro.
1.- Tu perro no llora.
2.- Tu perro adora que tus amigos te visiten.
3.- A tu perro no le molesta que uses su champ�.
4.- Tu perro piensa que cantas bien.
5.- Entre m�s tarde llegues, tu perro se alegra m�s de verte.
6.- Tu perro te perdona si juegas con otros perros.
7.- Tu perro no se da cuenta si le dices el nombre de otro perro.
8.- Los perros piensan que los eructos son divertidos.
9.- Todo el mundo puede tener un perro bonito.
10.- Si tu perro es hermoso, los otros perros no lo odian.
11.- Los perros no van de compras.
12.- Tu perro adora que dejes cosas tiradas.
13.- El car�cter de tu perro es igual todo el mes.
14.- Tu perro nunca necesita “examinar la relaci�n”.
15.- Los padres de tu perro nunca te visitan.
16.- Tu perro entiende que los instintos son mejores que preguntar las direcciones.
17.- Los perros no odian su cuerpo.
18.- Los perros no critican.
19.- Los perros no usan tu ropa.
20.- Es legal mantener encadenado a un perro.
21.- Los perros nunca esperan regalos.
22.- Los perros nunca necesitan un “masaje de pies”.
23.- Tu perro te encuentra divertido cuando est�s ebrio.
24.- Los perros no hablan.
25.- Los perros no son maliciosos.
26.- Los perros rara vez viven m�s que t�.
What Is This?
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, a joke?”