Category: other

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve called out to God…”Lord, I have a
problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just
not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous
ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll
give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you.
He’ll also need your advice to think properly. He’ll be really good at fighting
and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad
in the sack.”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the
catch, Lord?”
“Yeah, well…. you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”

u r so smelly that u scare skunks away

Dos maricones se encuentran en la calle despu�s de no haberse visto en mucho tiempo:

“�Manita, qu� milagro que te dejas ver! �D�nde te hab�as metido?”

“�Qu� te cuento, estuve un mes engranada!”

“�En Granada, Espa�a?”

“�No, mensa, engranada de la cola!”

Un marica se pasea por un campo nudista cuando, a unos treinta metros, ve caminando hacia �l a un hombre bien formado y con un miembro que le llega a media pierna.

El afeminado no le quita la vista de encima y cuando se topan de frente, el fortach�n le pregunta: “�Qu� le ve, mi amigo, qu� no la conoce?”

“�Ay no!”, y tom�ndole el miembro contin�a: “Mucho gusto”; se da media vuelta y toc�ndose las nalgas: “Le presento a unas amigas”.

A recently graduated man and woman were working to-gather in an office, where
the young man was very much attracted to the girl and formed a crush. He
extracted some preliminary information from the girl and knew which street the
girl was living.
But he did not know exact house number. He was not able to curb his desire to
see her over weekend and thought of going to the girls’ home and surprises her
as ‘I was in the neighborhood” excuse to meet her.

He saw a gentleman near her home. He asked him, “Could you please tell me
where Simran Chopra lives around here?”

The gentleman inquired, “May I please know why you want to see her?”

The boy presented excuse, “Well, I have some important business with her. I am
her brother.”

The guy expressed amazement, “I see! But I insist you tell me what business
you have with her, because I am her father.”

Yo’ mama so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with an
application!

The incredibly dumbAT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

Two african american kids (a boy and a girl) go out trick or treating and
stop at a lady’s house for candy.
Lady: Who are you two supposed to be?

Kids: Hansel and Gretel

Lady: You can’t be Hansel and Gretel, they’re white.

So the kids went home and changed and went back to the lady’s house.

Lady: Now who are you supposed to be?

Kids: Jack and Jill.

Lady: You can’t be Jack and Jill, they’re white.

Then the kids went home to change again but went back to the lady’s house
with nothing on this time.
Lady: What are you supposed to be this time?

Kids: Hershey bars, one with nuts and one without.

Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What’s the problem officer?Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.Man: No sir, I was going 65.Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.Man: Shut your mouth, woman!Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove were all walking along a
beach together after a peace talk , when they spotted an empty champagne bottle
lying in the sand . They popped it open, and a Genie materialized before them,
announcing, “You have two wishes each.”
First, George Bush said, “I wish I had an army of a million tanks to wipe out
Saddam Hussein’s army and free the people of Iraq! I also wish I had a fleet of
a million oil tankers, to take his oil supplies when I’m done!”
The Genie granted the Chief Executive his wish.
“Ha!” Saddam retorted. “You won’t defeat me so easily! I wish there was an
impregnable wall around all of Iraq, so no Iranians, Israelis or infidel
Westerners may enter! I also wish to be transported safely back to my palace in
Baghdad!”
And with that, the Genie did his bidding, and Saddam vanished in a puff of
smoke.
This left only General Cosgrove.
“Well, first of all,” said the good General,”tell me about this wall.”
“Well, it’s higher than any aero plane can fly and thicker than any explosive
can penetrate,” replied the Genie. “There are no entrances or exits. Basically,
nothing can get in or out.”
“Right,” replied Cosgrove. “Fill it with water.”

If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have? A bloody big cricket.