Category: other

A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, “Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility.”

The passengers were numb with fear, except for one… a semi-retired minister…

“Now, now, keep calm, folks” he said. “Let’s all bow our heads and pray.”

Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray… except fellow near the back.

“Why aren’t you bowing your head to pray?” the minister asked.

“Well, I don’t know how to pray,” replied the passenger.

“Well, just do something religious!” piped up another well meaning passenger.

So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat…

What do u call a pakki lesbian???????????/

Minge eatter

What do u call a pakki stuk between 2 houses?????????????????

Ali

There were three guys traveling in Africa, a Frenchman, Japanese, and an
American. They are captured by a tribe of fierce headhunters. The witch doctor
says to them, “we are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in
the fact that we don’t believe in waste here and that therefore every part of
your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will
render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden
frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honorable death, so I will
give you each a knife and allow you to say some last words before killing
yourselves.”
The Japanese guy yells “banzai!” and commits hari-kari.
The French guy yells “vive la France!” and slits his throat.
then the American guy takes the knife, pokes holes all over his body, and
yells, “there’s your f****** canoe!”

El papa Juan Pablo II llega a Cuba y en plena Plaza de la Revoluci�n Fidel Castro dec�a:

“Pueblo querido, gracias a mi �ste es uno de los pa�ses m�s libres del mundo…”

Y el pueblo contestaba, “�BRAVO BRAVO!”

Pero el Papa renegaba, porque no estaba de acuerdo con la pol�tica de Fidel Castro. Entonces llega el turno de hablar al Papa y dice:

“Pueblo Cubano, yo les felicito por tener un presidente como �ste.”

El pueblo contesta “�BRAVO BRAVO!”

“Es un hombre tan bueno que tiene la cara como Jes�s.”

“�BRAVO BRAVO!”

“Tiene la barba como Jes�s.”

“�BRAVO BRAVO!”

“Tiene el cabello como Jes�s.”

“�BRAVO BRAVO!”

“�Entonces que MIERDA esperan para crucificarlo…!”

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic chocolate cake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.”This is a very special chocolate cake,” he explained.”I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, ‘Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious chocolate cakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery’, and sure enough,” he continued, “the eighth time around the block, there it was!”

Los padres preocupados al ver que a su hijo reci�n nacido la falta culo y le sobra mucho, mucho de lo otro… lo llevan al cirujano pl�stico:

“Doctor, dice el padre, mire el ni�o como naci�, queremos que le ponga culo.”

El doctor lo mira asombrado:

“�Miren se�ores, si quieren se lo mamo, pero el culo no se lo pongo a este hijo de puta, ni por el carajo!”

How do you drown a Haitian?

Give him a shoebox and tell him it floats.

A minister told his congregation, ”Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.” The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, ”Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s liquor
store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint
o’ the brandy.”

“Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, ” I could never do that! I have
never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!”

“Oh, Jack,” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice
dropped. “It helps her constipation, you know.”

So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night, Jack closed the store and
walked home. As he passed the convent, who should he see but Sister Mary
Katherine? And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing,whirling
around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk.

A crowd was gathering. Jack pushed through and exclaimed, “Sister Mary
Katherine! For shame! And you told me this was for the Mother Superior’s
constipation!”

Sister Mary Katherine didn’t miss a beat as she replied, “And so it is, me
lad, so it is. When she sees me, she’s gonna shit!”

The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all
assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states,
“I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.” Of
course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope
tells them, “Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of
judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified.”

After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up,
asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies, “He was calling from
Salt Lake City.”

A small boy is wandering in a hotel, and hearing some noises
decides to open a door. He says “Wow, it’s dark here!”
You can imagine that there’s a man with a woman in that room…
The man asks, “What do you want? Here’s a buck, leave us alone.”
A bit latter, the boy goes back again, opens the door, and says:
“Wow, it’s dark here!” “Not you again! Here, take this and
go buy yourself something.” And the boy goes out with 2 bucks.

The following morning, the boy feels some remorse, and tells what happened
to his mother. She says: “That’s wrong. You should go to the church,
and confess yourself.”

So there he goes. Entering the booth, he says: “Wow, it’s dark here!”.
To which the priest says: “Are you following me around?”