1) Given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR2) Change all U’s to V’s (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR3) Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V4) Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 55) Add all the numbers: 666Thus, Barney is Satan.
Category: other
I heard you!
This guy lived on his own and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company.
The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede. “OK”, thought the bloke, “I’ll give it a go”. So he bought one and took it home.
That night he decided to test out his new pet, so he opened the box and said, “I’m going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?” But there was no reply.
He tried again, “Hey, millipede, wanna come to the pub with me?” Again, no response.
So the man ranted and raved for a bit, but after a while decided to give it one more try before he took the thing back to the shop.
So he took the lid off the box and shouted, “I said I’m going to the pub for a drink do you want to come?”
“For f**k’s sake, I heard you the first time” snapped the millipede, “I’m just putting my shoes on.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Bras
A man walks into the woman’s section of a department store and tells the sales
clerk he wants to buy a bra for his wife.
“What type of bra?” asked the clerk?
“Type?” inquires the man, “there’s more than one type?”
“There are three types.” Replies the clerk,
“The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one
do you need?”
Still confused the man asked, “What is the difference in them?”
The clerk responds, “It is really very easy. The Catholic type supports the
masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Baptist type makes
mountain’s out of mole hills.”
Un explorador andaba por el
Un explorador andaba por el Amazonas y se encuentra con una tribu de can�bales.
El explorador, asustado, dice: “�Ya me carg� la chingada!”
De repente se abre el cielo y sale un rayito de luz que lo ilumina y se oye una voz grave:
“No, no te ha caragado la chingada, toma la lanza del jefe y mata a su �nico hijo.”
El explorador hace lo que le indica la voz, y mata al hijo. Los can�bales se quedan estupefactos.
De nuevo se abre el cielo, y se oye la misma voz:
“�Ahora s� pendejo, ya te carg� la chingada!”
Your grandpas so bald
Your grandpas so bald when he weres a turtle neck he looks like a broken condom.
Your momma’s like a brick…
Your momma’s like a brick, flat on both sides and laid by mexicans.
En los pueblos siempre hay
En los pueblos siempre hay un tonto. Pues en este pueblo, el tonto era Melquiades. Siempre les gustaba jugarle esta broma:
“�Hey Melquiades! �Conoces a Matute?”, le dec�an.
“No, no s� qui�n es.”, respond�a.
“�El que por el culo te meti� el shute! �Ja ja ja ja!”
Y as� le hac�an la vida a cuadros al pobre Melquiades.
Un d�a, una persona caritativa decide ayudar a Melquiades para que ya no siguiera siendo v�ctima de las bromas de sus paisanos.
“Mira”, le dec�a el tipo. “La pr�xima vez que te los encontr�s, les pregunt�s si conocen a Max”.
“�Y qui�n es Max?”
“�El que te lav� el culo con Ajax! �Ja ja ja ja!”
“�Ah! S�, qu� buena broma. Se las voy a hacer.”, dijo Melquiades.
As� que a la siguiente vez que se los top�, inmediatamente les dijo:
“�Hey ustedes! �Conocen a Max?”
“�Ah, si! Es el primo de Matute”, responden.
“�Y qui�n es Matute…”
The Gas Men
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee,
were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at
the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men
as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older
guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last
house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as
you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”
Mirror
Q.What do me and a mirror have in common?
A.When we see your face we both crack up!
What’s the difference between an
What’s the difference between an [ethnic] man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
Dos marroqu�es est�n pidiendo ayuda
Dos marroqu�es est�n pidiendo ayuda en la Puerta del Sol de Madrid. Al llegar la noche y recoger los apechusques (b�rtulos, trastos, etc.) le pregunta uno a otro:
“Oye, �cu�nto has sacado hoy?”
“400 pesetas. �Y t�?”
“Yo 400.000 pesetas”, dice el primero ri�ndose. “�Pero qu� es lo que pones en tu cartel?”
“Tengo mujer y tres hijos y no tengo para comer. �Ay�denme por favor!”
El otro le ense�a el suyo donde pone:
“Me hacen falta 1.000 pesetas para regresarme a Marruecos”.
True God
There Were Three Men who wanted to prove that their god was real.So they had to test their god by jumping off a cliff. There was an arabian who believed in ALLAH, a chinese who believed in BUDDAH, and an american who believed in JESUS. First the arabian jumps callin his gods name out loud ALLAH, ALLAH, ALLAH…… SLAP! the arabian dies. Then the chinese man jumps, BUDDAH, BUDDAH,BUDDAH… and floats back up into air proving his god was real. Then now it was the americans turn. He jumps, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS,…. Just before hittin he yells BUDDAH, BUDAH, BUDDAH and floats back up…