Category: other

I stopped in at the local gas station for something to drink and
when I approached the register, the employee promply asked me,
“Do you have gas?” I answered him with a puzzled look on my
face. “Isn’t that a rather personal question?”

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.

The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole.

This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?

The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.

How many Irish blokes does it take to screw in a light bulb?Two! One to hold the lightbulb, and one to drink until the room spins.

In Prison:
You spend your time in an 8 x 10 cell

At Work:
You spend your time in an 6 x 8 cubicle

In Prison:
You get three free meals a day

At Work:
You get one break for a meal you pay for

In Prison:
A guard locks and unlocks all doors for you

At Work:
You carry a security card, you unlock the doors

In Prison:
You get to watch TV and play games

At Work:
You get fired for watching TV and playing games

In Prison:
You get your own toilet

At Work:
You have to share

In Prison:
Family and friends are allowed to visit

At Work:
You’re not allowed to speak to family or friends

In Prison:
Expenses are paid by taxpayers and work is not required

At Work:
You pay to go to work and you get to deduct expenses
on your taxes to pay for prisoners

In Prison:
You look through the bars, hoping to get out

At Work:
You want to get out so you can go inside the bars

In Prison:
The wardens who are often called sadistic

At Work:
The wardens are called managers

Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

“Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They
must be British.”

“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”

“No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have
only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is
paradise. They are Russian.”

A Polak went to a carpenter and said, “Can you build me a box that
is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?”

“Hmm…” mused the carpenter. “It could be done, I suppose, but what
would you want a box like that for?”

“Well, you see,” said the Polak, “my neighbor moved away and forgot
some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose.”

Why did they invent white chocolate? So little black kids can get messy too.

Un matrimonio fue invitado a una fiesta de m�scaras y disfraces. A ella le dol�a much�simo la cabeza y le pide al marido que se vaya solo.

�l protest�, pero ella le dijo que se iba a tomar una aspirina e irse a la cama, por lo que no hab�a necesidad de que �l se quedara en la casa. As� que el marido se puso el disfraz y se fue.

La mujer, despu�s de dormir una hora, se despert� bien, sin dolor. Como era temprano decidi� ir a la fiesta. Y como el marido no sab�a cu�l era su disfraz, ella pens� que ser�a divertido observar como actuaba �l cuando estaba solo.

Ella lleg� a la fiesta y enseguida vio al marido bailando en la pista con cada chica con la que se cruzaba, tocando un poco por ac� y tirando besitos por all�. La esposa se le acerc� y empez� a seducirlo. �l dej� a la mujer con la que estaba y se dedic� a la reci�n llegada. Ella lo dej� avanzar todo lo que �l quisiera: finalmente era su marido.

En un momento, �l le susurr� una proposici�n en el o�do y ella acept�.

Salieron de la fiesta y en uno de los autos tuvieron sexo. A medianoche, antes de desenmascararse, la se�ora se escabull�, fue a su casa, se quit� el disfraz y se meti� en la cama, pregunt�ndose qu� clase de explicaci�n le iba a dar el marido.

Cuando �l entr�, ella estaba sentada en la cama, leyendo.

“�C�mo te fue?”, le pregunt�.

“Bueno, lo de siempre”, dijo �l. “Ya sabes que no la paso bien cuando no estoy contigo”.

“�Bailaste mucho?”

“Ni una sola pieza. Cuando llegu�, me encontr� con Pedro, Guillermo y otros muchachos, as� que nos fuimos a la planta alta y jugamos p�ker toda la noche. �Lo que no me vas a poder creer es lo que le pas� al tipo al que le prest� mi disfraz!”

Being told to “Think Outside the Box” when I’m in the @#$%? box all day!
Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind
me.
Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of
gunfire.
That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get
a piece of cheese.
Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.
Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
23 power cords, 1 outlet.
Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.

How do you keep someone stupid occupied?
By telling them this joke.

why did michal jackson walk in to walmart? because he her kids pants were half off.