Yours Fun Portal !
Dios llama a Ad�n y le dice:
“Hijo, tengo una noticia buena y otra mala.”
“La buena primero”, contesta Ad�n.
Dios responde: “Te voy a hacer dos regalos: un cerebro y un pene.”
“�Fant�stico!… �y la mala?”
“Es que no tienes suficiente sangre como para hacer funcionar los dos al mismo tiempo.”
El marido sale del ba�o desnudo y empieza a subir a la cama, cuando su mujer se queja diciendo como siempre:
“Tengo dolor de cabeza”.
“Perfecto, casualmente estaba en el ba�o espolvore�ndome el pene con aspirina. La puedes tomar oral o como supositorio… �c�mo tu quieras!”
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realised the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”
*Don’t be silly, it isn’t loaded.
*I CAN FLY!
*Trust me, I know what I’m doing.
*Yes, the barrel of your shotgun is very clean.
*What’s in this dark cave ?
*”Oh, they’re free? I’ll take ten!” – Moses
*No, I’m sure they cleaned out this mine field years ago.
*Safety harness?
*Wait, I thought he was with you!
*What greencard?
*Hey, what’s this switch?
*Don’t move, you’ll trip the sensors.
*Yes, I’m single.
*No, this cannot be, I am invincible!
*So, you’re sure this isn’t loaded?
*Calm down, of course I disarmed it!
*What, I never signed any organ donor papers!
*Well, it can’t get any worse!
*C’mon! This CAN’T be the self-destruct button. If it was, they wouldn’t leave it lying around like this where anyone could push it!
*Don’t worry, they’ll never find us in here!
*William, is that you?
*They can’t hit us at this range!
*All you have to do is connect these two wires.
*There’s only one way to find out…
*Hey, when it comes to driving on snow and ice, I’m the best there is.
*These pills are awfully small.. I’ll take a few more to be sure they work.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Order your summer�s suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.
there was a guy looking to hire a hit man he had three peolple to interview 2 men and a women the interviwer said”take this gun and go in that room and shoot who ever is in there” so the man went in then came back out and said”that is my wife i there i cant shoot my wife” so he was out it was time for the next person to undergo the test he was given the same instructions so he went in then came back out and said”imy wife is in there i cant shoot my wife who do u think i am ” so it was up to the women she entered the room thenn u here a BANG BANG then there was CRASH and screaming then she returned from the room and she said “u didnt tell me there was blanks in the gun i had to kill him with the bloody chair !!!!!!
Se encontraba Pepito en el sal�n de clases, junto al resto de sus compa�eros.
Llega la maestra y les informa:
“Ni�os, tengo que salir un momento, en cuanto regrese, quiero que todos hayan hecho un dibujo del �rgano reproductor masculino.”
La maestra se retira del sal�n; Pepito prestamente corre a verificar que la maestra est� lejos. Al ver que ya se hab�a ido, se baja el pantal�n y se dirige a la clase:
��Avancen, ni�as, copien, copien!”
its the first day of school and a retard has to take the bus the bus rolls by and the doors open and the kid says,” r yoo gunah take mee tu skool todee” and the bus takes off with out the kid.
] the next day the bus comes and the kid says “r yoo gunah take mee tu skool todee”
the bus takes off.
] finally the mom comes with the kid to the bus stop and asks the driver why he keeps driving away with out the kid and the bus driver replys “B kause hez makin fune ov mee”
What do you say to a baby Jewish American Princess?
Gucci Gucci Goo
“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
“The Law of Self Sacrifice”
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
“The Law of Motivation”
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
“Boob’s Law”
You always find something in the last place you look.
“Weiler’s Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.
“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.
“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.
“Law of Drunkedness”
You can’t fall off the floor.
“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.
“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.
“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket.
When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, “You know, Jane, these remind me of John’s balls.”
Jane, impressed says, “Hmm, that big, huh?”
“No”, Sue answers. “That dirty.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Get the ball, Do you want a bone