Category: other

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican,
and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German,
“What do you want on your back for your whipping?”

The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and a
large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge
welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on
your back?”

“I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and
takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

“What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, “I’ll take the Mexican.”

Una mujer quer�a comprar un auto usado, as� que entr� a MercadoLibre y busc� en la secci�n de autos. En una de las subastas ley�:

“Mercedes Benz nuevo, azul, totalmente equipado. Se vende por 1000 pesos”.

La mujer estaba realmente sorprendida por el incre�ble precio as� que puso su oferta en la subasta y gan�. Despu�s de contactar a la vendedora del auto, se puso de acuerdo con ella para ver al auto y, para su sorpesa, vio que era un Mercedes en perfectas condiciones. La mujer le pregunt� a la vendedora:

“Oiga, �cu�l es el truco? �Por qu� vende este auto tan barato?”

“Bueno, es el auto de mi marido. Recientemente sali� de viaje con su joven secretaria. La semana pasada recib� un telegrama de �l que dec�a: Estoy en Miami. Necesito dinero. Vende auto”.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed to say only two words every 7 years.

After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words.

“Cold floors,” he says.
They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words.

He clears his throat and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away.
7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words.
“I quit,” he says.

“That’s not surprising,” the elders say…
“You’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here!”

Kim Wild aqccompomied Micheal Jackson on his Bad tour that night there were two people doing kids in America

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought
of them.

2: For their birthday, you offer to help them blow out the candles.

3: On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large
fire, don’t water it down, because soggy cake is no good.

4: Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is
because you put on every ornament that they got in their life.

5: Ask them if they got Columbus’ autograph.

6: Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone
had to pitch in to buy the candles.

7: Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth.

8: Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth.

9: Ask them if they helped God write the Bible.

10: Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he
was praying, he asked God, “How long is 10 million years to you?”

He replied, “1 second.”

The next day the preacher asked God, “God, how much is 10 million
dollars to you?”

And God replied, “A penny.”

Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, “God, can I have one
of your pennies?”

And God replied, “Just waits a sec.”

Two cannibles are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says “Does this taste funny?”

One morning two priests head to the showers. It isn’t until they were already in the shower, that they realized they did not bring any soap. Father Bob decides he’ll run back for the soap.
Rather than get dressed, he peeks out into the hallway, and since no one is around, he decides to make a run for it. He gets the two bars of soap and checks the hall before heading back to the showers. All was clear, so he makes a break for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking towards him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he is a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.

The nuns approach and the first nun says, “Oh my, look at that! Isn’t that the most lifelike statue you’ve ever seen?”

She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest’s weenie. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.

“Oh Heavens,” she exclaims, “I got a bar of soap!”

The second nun is also amazed at how realistic the statue looks, so she steps in for a closer look. She takes a couple of yanks on the priest’s weenie, and he drops the other bar of soap.

“My goodness, I got a bar of soap also!” The nuns can’t believe it.

The third nun, overcome by the miracle statue, walks up to it and gives a couple of tugs to the priest’s weenie.

“My God, this is amazing,” she says, “I got liquid soap!”

What do you call stains in a womens pantys. Answer. Clitty liter

Why don’t [ethnic] women breast feed their children?

It hurts too much when they sterilize the nipples.

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realised that one of his recruits had gone AWOL, so a search party was dispatched immediately.After a few hours, the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes nearby. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor’s office.The instructor asked the young recruit, “Why did you go AWOL?”The recruit replied, “On my first day here, you issued me a comb and then proceeded to cut my hair off. On the second day, you issued me a toothbrush and then sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull out some of my teeth. Finally, on the third day, you issued me a jock strap… and I wasn’t about to wait around to find out what would follow that, Sir.”

The curator of a Western art museum commissioned a local artist to paint a mural-sized painting of Custer’s Last Thought. The artist was told to make it highly symbolic of Custer’s mindset during the debacle at Little Big Horn. Deep in thought, the artist went to her studio. After many false starts, she proceeded to paint an enormous oil painting.

Finally, after many months of work, the painting was unveiled for the curator. In the foreground, a beautiful crystalline blue lake with a single fish leaping. Around the fish’s head is a halo. In the background, the hills and meadows are covered with naked Native American couples copulating.

The curator is both disgusted and baffled by what he sees. In a rage he turns to the artist and asks, “What the hell has this got to do with Custer’s Last Thought?”

The artist replied, “Custer’s Last Thought had to have been: ‘Holy Mackerel! Where did all these fucking Indians come from?'”