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Esto es un calvo que estaba acomplejado con su calva, entonces para ligar se pon�a peluca.
Un buen d�a se lig� a una cegata. Una vez en la casa del calvo la cegata se va al ba�o para quitarse las gafas, en ese momento el calvo aprovecha para quitarse la peluca, cuando la cegata va a tientas a la cama empieza a tocar la cabeza del calvo y exclama:
“�Esta es la cabeza?”
“S�”, contesta el calvo.
“Pues eso se lo vas a meter a tu puta madre.”
Yo’ mama so fat, when did the splits, she gave the road a hickey!
Yo mama so dumb she sat at a stop sign waiting for it to change to “go”.
What do you call an Etheopian with yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
Confucius says:’Passionate kiss, like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.”Virginity like bubble. One prick and all gone.”Man who run in front of car get tired.’ ‘Man who run behind car get exhausted.’ ‘Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.”Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.”Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.’ ‘Man who scratches arse must not bite fingernails.’ ‘Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.”Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk.”Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.’�War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”Man who sleep in cathouse by day sleep in doghouse by night.”Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.’ ‘It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.”Man who drive like hell bound to get there.’�Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.’ ‘Man who lives in glasshouse should change in basement.’ �He who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.’ ‘Man who farts in church sits in own pew.’ ‘Man with one chopstick go hungry.’
Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up.
“All the ladies down on the floor,” one handsome robber commanded.
“My grandmother too?” the little girl asked.
“Yes, your grandmother too!”
“All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses.”
“My grandmother too?”
“Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties.”
“Surely you don’t mean my grandmother too?” asked the little girl.
Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, “YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart.”
When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, “YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!”
A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother
decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation.
Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school,
the boy’s grades were straight A’s, even in math!
Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school.
“Oh, it’s all right, I guess,” he replies.
“They must be teaching you some new tricks!”
“Not really.”
“Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?”
“Well”, he says, “as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign,
I knew they meant business!”
there was a boy who slept on top of his covers naked one night a little girl came in and crowled in bed with this boy she asked what’s that the boy said hairy may I play with hairy she said yes and the next day he woke up in the hospital the little boy asked why am i here hairy spit on so I bit him off
A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”
Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo
A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the same hotel in the same room where they spent their wedding night.
In honor of the occasion, she bought a $400.00 silk see-through negligee. After taking off her clothes in the bathroom, she realized that she had left the negligee in the suitcase.
Coming out of the bathroom to get it, her husband remarked, “Geez, for
$400.00, you’d think they could have ironed the damn thing!”
This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people.
The first came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.”
“OK, you’re hired. Here’s your kit; go sell!”
The second came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.”
“OK, you’re hired! Here’s your kit; go sell!”
The third came in and said, “I- i – I wa – wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi – bi – bi – Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!”
“No,” shouted the man, “this will never work! You can’t sell Bibles for me!”
The applicant replied, “B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!”
As there were no other applicants, he man said, “OK, I’ll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!”
At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and reports, “I sold 8 Bibles today.”
The second reports: “I sold 11 Bibles today.
The third worker reports, “To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!”
“Great,” says the man. “However, I want you to sell lots more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!”
At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and reports, “Today, I sold 32 Bibles.”
The second worker reports, “I sold 44 Bibles today”
The third worker reports, “To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles.”
“Fantastic,” said the man, “since you’re doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don’t you tell them what your sales technique is.”
Replied the worker, “I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b–b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi – want to buy a Bi–b–a – a- abi – buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to ***READ*** it to ’em?”
“T� Puto, t� Puto”, le dice el peque�o Pepito a su pap�, se�al�ndolo con el �ndice.
“�C�llate, ni�o grosero!”, le ordena el padre.
“T� Puto, t� Puto”, insiste Pepito.
“�Qu� te calles!”, vocifera el padre al tiempo que le propina un golpe.
“T� Puto y yo Tibil�n”, dice sollozando Pepito.