(Someone I Know Told Me This)
Its around 2304 and a boy and his son is walking through New
York. The dad stops and goes “Son, right here where I am
standing was where the World Trade Centers were.” the son
asks…”Dad what is the World Trade Center and what happened to
it?” the dad replies…”Well, it was two tall buildings that
went up to the sky and this fucking gay ass son of a bitch named
Osama Bin Laden, sent people out to destroy is by having a plane
fly into each building.” (he demonstrates with his hands)and he
continues on…”Osama lived in Afgahnistan and thats where we
kicked his ass.” the boy curiously asks “Daddy, where is
Afgahnistan?”
Category: other
Saving Money
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they
have sex the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the
bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked
the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the
masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his
wife “What’s up with all the notes?”, to his wife which replies, “Well, not
everyone is as cheap as you are.”
Measuring on the job
There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The
guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick
the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure
which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then
lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This
went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t
measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, “we
need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.
The man buying farm animals…woo-hoo!
One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there.
He walked up to the farmer and said,”Hey, that’s a nice donkey you got there. I think I’ll take it.”
The farmer replied,”That’s not a donkey, that’s an ass.”
So, the man said,”Okay, then,I’ll take the ass.” Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said,”I like that chicken. I’ll take it too.”
The farmer replied,”That is a pullet.”
So the man said,”Okay, I’ll take the pullet.”
He was looking at a rooster and said,”Well, I guess I’ll take the rooster, too.”
The farmer replied,”That’s not a rooster, it’s a cock.”
So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man’s truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him,”Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he’ll go again.”
So the man drives away. All of a sudden, the ass stops, and the pullet and the cock fly out of the back. The man is trying to get them back when a woman comes out and says,”Can I help you?”
The man replies,”Yeah, could you grab my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?”
Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date nor any sex in quite sometime. Afraid she might have something wrong with her she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her personal physician recommended Dr. Wang, a well-known Chinese sex therapist. So she went and saw him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Wang took one look at her and said, “okay, take off aw your crows.”
She quickly disrobed and stood naked before him.
“Now, ” said Wang, “get dow on knees and craw reery, reery, fass away from me to the other side of room.”
Having done that Dr. Wang said, “okay, now turn around and craw reery, reery fass to me.” Once again she obliged.
Dr. Wang slowly shook his head, “okay, your probrem vaywe, vaywe bad, you have Ed Zachary Disease…..worse case I ever see….that why you not have dates, that why you not have sex.”
Confused, the woman asked, “What is Ed Zachary Disease?”
Wang replied, “It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”
Indian clock
‘Bob’ was walking in a forest when he sees a naked man laying on the ground.
He askes what the heck are you doing there?
The indian answers, “Me clock.”
“Ok, what time is it?” he asks
“2:00” he replied
And he was right so Bob walks away.
A while later he sees another man laying down also.
He also said he was a clock, and he too knew the correct time.
Bob kept walking around, and now sees a chief turning the naked guys penis’s counter-clockwise.
He asks “Why are you turning their penis’s?
The indian cheif answers, Rewinding clock !
Submitted by bomberman255
Edited by Curtis
What was the name of Ronald Reagan’s last…
What was the name of Ronald Reagan’s last movie?
– “Partial Recall”
Es el a�o 3.000 y
Es el a�o 3.000 y en un mercado est� un vendedor de cerebros:
“�Cerebros! �vendo cerebros!
Se acerca un hombre y dice: “Una preguntita, �este cerebro cu�nto cuesta?”
“Este vale 50.000 pesos.”
“�Epa!, �de qui�n era?”
“Era de Cervantes.”
“�Y �se?”
“Bueno, �se cuesta 150.000 pesos.”
“�Qu� barabaridad!, �de qui�n era?”
“Ese es el cerebro de Einstein.”
“�Y ese cerebro?”
“�Ah!, ese cuesta 2 millones de pesos.”
“�No es posible!… �de qui�n era?”
“Era de una mujer.”
“�Y por eso cuesta tanto?”
“�claro! �Est� sin estrenar!”
Nun Sees A Naked Man
A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, “you know sister, I am about to die, and there’s always been one thing I’ve wanted here on earth–to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?”The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, “well, Father, now that I think about it, I’ve never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?”With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, “Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?”The priest patiently answered, “That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life.””Well,” responded the nun, “forget about me. Stick it in the camel!”
Un matrimonio est� a punto
Un matrimonio est� a punto de irse a la cama, cuando el marido aparece con un vaso de agua y un par de pastillas blancas. La esposa, intrigada, le pregunta:
“Oye, �qu� es eso?”
“Apirinas, para ti”.
“�Pero, si no me duele la cabeza!”
“�Aj�!”
Dos amigas eran tan �ntimas
Dos amigas eran tan �ntimas que se contaban todo lo que hac�an o dejaban de hacer. Una de ellas se casa y se va de luna de miel. Cuando regresa, la otra le pregunta: “C�mo es eso, cu�ntame.”
“La primera vez es horrible, duele como no te imaginas; pero despu�s es riqu�simo.”
Su amiga, intrigada, le pregunta: “�Como cuanto duele?”
Y empieza a mencionarle distintos tipos de dolores: dolor de cabeza, dolor de est�mago, dolor de espalda, y a todos la recien casada respond�a que no.
Finalmente la soltera menciona el dolor de muela, y la amiga dice “s�, es como el dolor de muela.”
“�Por qu� como el dolor de muela?” pregunta la soltera.
Y la casada le responde: “Porque te duele pero no quieres que te la saquen.”
The National Enquirer’s special investigative
The National Enquirer’s special investigative team has determined that
it’s actually Elvis Presely’s image on the Shroud of Turin.