there was 3 men one was American one was a Canadian and one was a Newfe they were in a plain. It was new years eve so everyone decided to celebrate so the American droped a quarter, the canadian droped a loony, and the Newfe droped a bomb. when the American got off and saw a man crying he said why are you crying? A quarter fell out of the sky and killed my cat.The next day the Canadien got off and saw a man crying he said why are you crying? He said a loony fell out of the sky and killed my dog. Next day the Newfe got off and saw a man laughing so he said why are you laughing? He said I farted and my house blew up!
Category: other
Jonah and the Whale.
A lady on an airliner was reading her bible. The man sitting next to her gave a little chuckle and asked, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there do you?”
“Of course I do. It is the Bible.” the lady replies!
“Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?” he asked.
“Oh, Jonah … Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible.” she replied.
“Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him.” said the lady.
“What if he isn’t in heaven?” the man asked sarcastically.
“Then YOU can ask him.” replied the lady!
The Smelly Guy
There was this Paki, this Greek and this Persian guy and they
wanted to have a contest, a contest for who could stay the
longest in a car with a skunk. The Next day they had the
contest. The Greek guy went in and he came out in about 3
seconds. He came out and said, “O can’t take it anymore.” The
Persian guy went in and came out 5 seconds later and said, “I
can’t take it anymore.” So the Persian guy was winning. The Paki
guy was angry and wanted to win the contest very badly. So he
said there was nothing that was gonna get him out of the car. So
he went in the car and 1 second later the skunk came out and
said, “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”
Two bumble bees ran into each other one evening….
Two bumble bees ran into each other one evening. They hadn’t seen each other
in quite some time.
“Hey you look great!” said the first.
“Thanks.”
“I mean you look really great. Your black band are nice and dark,
your yellow stripes are bright and clean. What’s your secret?”
“I’ve taken to hanging out at Bar Mitzvah’s. They have lots of great
flowers, it’s the best source of pollen I’ve ever seen.”
“What’s that on your head?”
“It’s a yamalke, I don’t want them to think I’m a WASP.”
Se acerca un joven al
Se acerca un joven al confesionario:
“Padre, ac�some de que me la jalo mucho”.
Entonces, se escucha una voz que le dice:
“Pues por m� te la puedes arrancar cabr�n; yo soy el carpintero de la iglesia y ando barnizando esta madre”.
The fruit
Three men are sailing inthe pacific when they get ship wrecked.SO they swim to the nearest island whichhappens to be the home of a group of cannabals.the leader of the tribe tells each of them to bring back ten of the same fruits. the first man brought back 10 apples then they will have to shove the fruit up their butts. the first man gets 5 in and screams so they kill him.the next man brings back berries he gets to 9 and starts laughingso hard they pop out.the first at second men met up in heaven
the first man asked why he laughed and the second man replied the third guy was coming back with pineapples…
On Enmity Between Races
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.
Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.”
(Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)
“No problem,” said the Jew. “I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew’s shoe and spit in it.
The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, “That looks good. Think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.
The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples … this hatred … this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!”
Llega un borrachito a su
Llega un borrachito a su casa, golpea la puerta y le grita a su mujer, “�Mi Amor! �Prep�rate para tres polvos!”
La esposa sale por la ventana y le responde:
“Mi vida, veo que vienes caliente.”
Y el borrachito le responde:
“�No, es que vengo con dos amigos!”
in a traight jacket
Q:does a guy in a striaght jacket look harmful that just got out
of prison?
A: yes because thats why he is in the straight jacket.
Breaking the Mold
When they made you, they broke the mold. Then, they found the moldmaker,
dragged him out into the street, and shot him. Repeatedly.
Uneasy Wishes
A mafia king is lying on his sick bed when he calls in one of his godsons.
“Mikey, get over here,” he says, “before I go, I gotta ask you to do me
one favor.” “Yes, godfather, anything you ask me I’ll do, I worship you
more than anything!”
“OK!” says the old man, “I want you to go to the bathroom and jerk off!”
Feeling uneasy the boy says, “I don’t know, it is embarassing.” The
old man says, “Who raised you as if you were my kid huh, you can’t do it
for me?” The youngster agrees and does the deed, he comes back and says,
“OK I did it.” The old man says, “One more request, do it again!” The
boy looks and says, “Why? I just did?” The old man says, “Who gave you
money, clothes, girls, huh? you can’t do this little thing for me?” The
boy agrees and goes to do it. He comes back sweating and says “OK,
done!” “One last request, do it one last time! ” says the old man. “I
don’t understand, why?” says the boy. “Don’t ask, Can’t you grant a dying
man his last wish?” The boy goes and does it again, he comes back
crawling, barely able to talk, “OK I did it again, but please no more, I
got no more left! “Good!” says the old man, he hands him car keys and
says, “Now drive to the airport and pick up my daughter!”
Roman Catholic
What do you call a nun that sleepwalks?
A Roman Catholic