Counting f’s

Read the following sentence and count how many F’s there are. Count them
ONLY ONCE: Do not go back and count them again!!!

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

ANSWER:

There are six F’s in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds three
of them. If you spotted four, you’re above average. If you got five, you
can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught six, you are a genius.
There is no catch. Many people forget the “OF”‘s. The human brain tends to
see them as V’s and not F’s. Pretty weird, huh?

Dos argentinas quedan en pana

Dos argentinas quedan en pana en la carretera austral de Chile, lugar absolutamente desolado, cuando por esas casualidades de la vida se encuentran con dos huasitos. El di�logo es el siguiente:

“�Che viste!, nuestro carro sufri� un desperfecto y no sabemos como repararlo, ser�a posible que nos ayudaran. Har�amos cualquier cosa para pagarles este favor.”

Los huasitos quedan pensando un momento y al ver a las esculturales argentinas les dicen:

“Bueno pues, se�oritas, ustedes se suben la faldita, se bajan los calzoncitos y nosotros hacemos el resto pue…”

“�Pero che, responden las argentinas, eso no es ning�n problema viste, es m�s, lo hacemos con mucho gusto. Pero eso s�, van a tener que usar estos preservativos (condones) para que nosotras no quedemos embarazadas, viste!”

Los huasitos aceptan la proposici�n, sin tener idea de lo que estaban usando. Luego , los campesinos ayudaron a las argentinas con su auto.

Al cabo de dos meses, se vuelven a encontrar los campesinos en el mismo lugar donde hab�an ayudado a las argentinas.

“Oye Lucho, te acordai de las argentinas, estaban harto ricas las yeguas.”

“S� Pedro, teni toda la raz�n.”

“Oye Lucho, a vos te interesa que las argentinas queden embarazadas.”

“No Pedro, no me interesa.”

“Entonces Lucho, �porque no nos sacamos de una vez, esta bolsa pl�stica del pico!”

Messages

Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, “Wait here a minute, I’ll be right back.”

He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, “What was that about?”

The dog first dog says, “I was just checking my messages.”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by axelwang

Way to Go Grandma

There was a girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn’t know about her occupation. One day, the police rounded up a group of pros and the girl was busted.The cops had all the girls lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the granny walked by and saw her granddaughter, she asked the girl, “What are you lining up for?”

The granddaughter, not willing to reveal the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line.

A policeman who was going down the lineup taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her so he asked carefully,”Ma’am, you’re rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?”

Grandma proudly replied, “Oh, it’s easy, I just take out my teeth and suck’em dry.”

Remaining as enemies

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Israeli. “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli’s shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, “That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”

Spell it Bubba!

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

“Where do you live?” asked the operator. Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.” The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said… “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Season pass

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

“How much for a season pass?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Pearly gates

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that’s bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, “Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I’m trying to help. Now think!”

The man says, “There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell’s Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face”.

“Wow”, said Peter, “That’s impressive. When did this happen”?

“Oh, about 10 minutes ago”, replied the man.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis