Category: other

En una Iglesia de un pueblo est�n haciendo una obra y uno de los alba�iles observa que cuando van las muchachas a confesarse siempre llegan llorando y el cura las acompa�a agarr�ndolas de la mano hasta la sacrist�a. Pasado algunos minutos el cura abre la puerta y la muchacha que antes hab�a entrado llorando ahora sale totalmente transformada con una sonrisa de oreja a oreja.

El alba�il, muy extra�ado, le pregunta al cura: “�qu� es lo que le hace usted a las muchachas que entran tan tristes y llorosas y salen tan alegres y sonrientes?”

Y el cura le contesta: “Les pongo una inyecci�n de fe”.

El alba�il le responde: “Pues ci�rrese la bragueta que todav�a lleva la jeringuilla fuera y goteando”.

Two nuns are riding on a motorcycle. The one in back says to the driver, “Sister Mary Ellen, have you ever come this way before?” The one in front replies: “No! It must be the cobblestones!”and then there was…Two nuns where in the shower.One says “Where’s the soap?”The second says “Yes it does doesn’t it”

Un borracho llega a su casa cantando y haciendo barullo. En eso se asoma un vecino y le susurra:

“�Pss! �No haga ruido que su mujer se va a despertar!”

“No se preocupe, cuando llego as� mi mujer y yo jugamos al exorcista”.

“�Ah s�? �Y c�mo es eso?

“Bueno, ella me sermonea… �y yo vomito!”

Q: Did you hear about the 4 Pollocks who froze to death in a
drive-in movie???

They went to see “Closed For the Winter”!

I was dead before I was born. I ll be dead after I m dead. Why waste this brief flash of light?

How do you play Taliban Bingo?

B-52….F-16……

(Hint:If you don’t know much about airplanes, then you probally
won’t get this. A B-52 and an F-16 are types of jets.

During a get-together at my son’s house, he had prepared quite a feast. In spite of the extra pounds I’d gained the previous winter, I forged ahead and loaded my plate.”Dad !” he said, eyeing my repast, “I thought you were on a diet.””I am!” I replied, “But I need all of this to give me the strength to go on.”

How do you know when there’s a railway strike in Ireland?

– Panic buying at the ticket office.

Max, the schlemiel, can’t find a job. He finally applies for a job as a janitor at the Catholic Church. They decide to give him a trial run and see what it is like for a Jewish man to work here.

After a week, he is told, “Max, things are working out fine. I just have a few corrections. First, when you wash your hands, use the bathroom, don’t use the holy water. Second, when you hang your coat up, use the cloakroom, do not hang it on the cross. Third, my name is Mother Superior, not Mother Shapiro!”

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, “Can I help you lad?”
“Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!”, the Irishman replies.

The cop asks, “Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?”
“It was at the end of this key.”

About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman’s member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, “Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?”

The Irishman looks down woefully and moans “OOH GOD… they got me girl too!”

Cheesy porn is like that one loser ex-boyfriends dick….both were put on earth to be laughed at.

The stand-up comic was not funny. His jokes never got a laugh. But he persisted in getting up every night at the coffee-shop and go through his whole routine. Boos and jeers never stopped him.

Finally one regular at the establishment brought a dozen eggs and started belting him with them as he told his stories. This got more laughs than the jokes, and every day more and more patrons would bring eggs to pelt him. He actually enjoyed being pelted for for the first time in his life he was getting laughs.

His nightly appearnce became one of the highlights of each evening and the crowds had never been larger. One day he didn’t show up and investigation revealed he had died. The entire clientelle went to the funeral, and as they passed the open coffen each threw in eggs until the coffin was overflowing.

It was impossible to close the coffin so he couldn’t be buried until some of the eggs were removed.

Moral: …DON’T PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET