Category: other

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country
for America returns to visit the family.

“But–where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him.

“Mama,” he replies, “in America, nobody wears a beard.”

“But at least you keep the Sabbath?”

“Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath.”

“But kosher food you still eat?”

“Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher.”

The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his
ear, “Isaac, tell me–you�re still circumcised?”

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says, “Father, I never wear panties under my habit.”

The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do six cartwheels (front rolls) on your way to the altar.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

one day a happy little girl filled w/ joy and curiosity was
walking down the road one day from school,and she saw one of her
neighbors waxing his grass,w/ curiosity,the little girl went
over and asked why he was doing a stupid thing like that.his
answer was that it made the grass look pretty and shiney,she
said ok w/ a weird look on her face and walked on by.then she
came to another neighbor who was doing something weird too,she
was spraying windex on her garden,w/ curiosity she went over and
asked why she was spaying windex on her garden,her answer was
that it made her garden look clean like glass,she said okey
dokey and went on.then she saw he next door neighbor and he was
a killer,he was cleaning a knife for his next victom,she was so
curious about that ,that she went over and asked why he was
cleaning his knife?his answer was:i was waiting for u,so i kept
myself occupied while i waited!

Un tipo es detenido por un oficial de polic�a por conducir con exceso de velocidad:

“Sus documentos, es mi deber levantarle una infracci�n”.

“Jefe, perdone, la verdad es que no me di cuenta de la velocidad. Deme otra oportunidad, por favor”.

“Est� bien, como yo soy amante de las adivinanzas, le voy a hacer una; si adivina, no le aplico la multa”.

“Muy bien, d�game”.

“Es de noche, Ud. ve a lo lejos dos faros de forma redonda. �Qu� es?”

“Pues, yo dir�a que es un auto”.

“S�, pero es muy general, podr�a ser un Mercedes, un BMW o un Honda. Ni modo, tengo que aplicarle la multa”.

“�No, por favor, una m�s, deme otra oportunidad!”

“Est� bien, es de noche, a lo lejos ve un faro de forma cuadrada. �Qu� es?”

“Pues yo dir�a que puede ser una moto”.

“S�, pero es muy general, podr�a ser una Kawasaki, una Harley o una Suzuki; disc�lpeme, pero ahora si le tengo que aplicar la multa”.

“Esta bien, apl�queme la multa, pero antes quiero hacerle una adivinanza a Ud., que, por lo visto, le gustan mucho”.

“Muy bien, d�game”.

“Es de noche, al lado de la carretera se ven unas se�oritas. �Qu� son?”

“Pues, yo dir�a que son golfas”.

“S�, pero es muy general, podr�an ser su madre, su mujer o su hermana”.

one day 3 men were walking down the road their names are osoma
bin laden, george bush, and farmer joe.
they walk about 5 miles till they spotted a lamp, farmer joe
picks
it up and rubs it and a genie pops out the genie
and tells them all that he’ll give them 1 wish each if they’ll
set him free. they talk it out and agree to set him
free. farmer joe goes 1st and his wish is for good farm land for
all of eternity, next osama wishes for a giant
wall around afganistan so no man can leave and no man can enter,
so the genie builds a 25 foot wall around
afganistan, then president bush goes he looks at the genie and
says, ” ok genie i wish to flood afganistan”

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and asks if the guy does $100 bills.

“Sure”, says the artist. “Where you want it?”

“Wrap it around my prick”, says the customer.

“Why do you want it on your prick?” asked the tattoo artist.

“Three reasons”, replied the man thoughtfully, “

One, I like to play with my money.

Two, I like watching my money grow.

Three, my wife loves to blow money.”

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady said. ‘My nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.’

‘I’m not surprised,’ replied Gramps. ‘One’s in your coffee and the other is in your porridge.’

What’s the new Jewish-Chineese resturant called?

– “So Sue Me”

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin’?”The driver said, “You buyin’?”

Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.

These two people where having sex in an apartment somehow the condom flies out the window. A little boy on the street sees it at the same time the guy sticks his head out the window and says “wait there ill be right down” so the guy throws a pair of shorts on and runds downstairs. The guy go up to the kid and says “ill give you one doller if you give me that twinky back. the little boy says ok. He runs home and tells his mom “hey mom guess what today i sold a twinky for one doller but i got the better end of the deal i sucked out all the cream filling first.