Category: other

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out
of the corner of his eye. It says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15
km’.

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a
second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of
Prostitution 8 km’ and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives
past a third sign saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right’
his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small
sign next to the door saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy’.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you, my son?’

He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
doing business.’

‘Very well, my son. Please follow me.’

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun
stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit
and holding a tin cup.

This nun instructs, ‘Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large
wooden door at the end of this hallway.’

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup.

He then trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it
shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the
parking lot facing another small sign.

Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed.

En una clase de biolog�a, el profesor hablaba sobre los altos niveles de glucosa hallados en el semen. Una joven novata levant� la mano y pregunt�:

“Si le he entendido, �est� usted diciendo que hay un mont�n de glucosa, como el az�car, en el semen masculino?”

“Es correcto”, respondi� el catedr�tico, y sigui� a�adiendo informaci�n estad�stica al respecto. Levantando la mano de nuevo, la chica cuestion�:

“Entonces, �por qu� no sabe dulce?”

Tras un silencio inc�modo, la clase por completo estall� en risas. La cara de la pobre chica se volvi� rojo brillante cuando se dio verdadera cuenta de lo que hab�a dicho inadvertidamente (o m�s bien implicado); cogi� sus libros sin decir una palabra y sali� de la clase… para nunca m�s volver. Sin embargo, mientras cruzaba la puerta, la respuesta del maestro fue de antolog�a. �ste, totalmente serio, respondi� a su duda:

“No sabe dulce porque las papilas gustativas para el dulzor est�n en la punta de tu lengua y no en el fondo de tu garganta”.

Kevin McBride defeated Mike Tyson Saturday night. Did you see it?

Whew! What happened to Tyson?

That desk clerk in New York put up a better fight against Russell Crowe.

Un tipo le confiesa a otro:

“Estoy casado desde hace 20 a�os y siempre estuve enamorado de la misma mujer”.

“Eso me parece admirable”.

“Tambi�n algo peligroso… �En cuanto se entere mi mujer, me mata!”

An old man wonders away from a nursing home.

It is getting evening time and he comes up upon a bar that looked friendly enough.

He no sooner got inside when a young lady came up to him and asks, “Would you like a drink?”

“I sure would,” he responded.

Then she asked him if he wanted to dance, and he quickly agreed.

They were not on the dance floor very long and she whispered in his ear, “Would you like to go home with me?”

“Wow, that’s the best deal yet, sure would!”

The next morning he went to confession and said to the priest, “I am 85 years old, and I spent last night with a 28 year old woman.”

The priest thought about it and decided that an 85 year old man couldn’t have done much damage and said, “Go say 10 Hail Marys.”

The man responded, “I can’t do that, I am Jewish.”

To which the priest responded, “Then what are you doing talking to me?”

“Are you kidding?” replied the old man. “I am 85, and I’m telling everybody I can!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor’s orders, so he decides to play tennis.After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing.”It’s going fine”, the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'””Really? What happens then?” the secretary asks.”Then my body says, ‘Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!'”

17. There is no “I” in “teamwork.” But there is in “management kiss-up.”

16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

13. If you think we’re a bad company, you should see the competition.

12. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings–they did it by killing all those who oppose them.

11. We put the “k” in “kwality.”

10. 2 days without a human rights violation.

9. Your job is STILL better than asking, “You want fries with that?”

8. We build great products when we feel like it and don’t have any reason to call in sick.

7. If at first you don’t succeed, try management.

6. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

5. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

4. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.

3. If at first you don’t succeed, delegate it.

2. Plagiarism saves time.

1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

John O’ Neill hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know, he’s only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by BreeBrown

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a
‘redneck’ joke?”

The guy next to him replies, “Before you tell that joke you should know
something. I’m 6′ tall, 200 lbs. and a redneck. The guy sitting next to me
is 6’2″, 225 lbs. and a redneck. The fella next to him is 6’5″, 250 lbs.
and a redneck. Do you still want to tell that joke?”

The first guy says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

A monastery in the English countryside had fallen on hard times, and decided to establish a business to defray their expenses, such as a bakery or winery. Being English, however, they decided to open a fish-and-chips restaurant.

The establishment soon became very popular, attracting people from all over. One city fellow, thinking himself clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, “I suppose you’re the ‘fish friar’?”

“No”, answered the brother levelly, “I’m the ‘chip monk'”.

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country
for America returns to visit the family.

“But–where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him.

“Mama,” he replies, “in America, nobody wears a beard.”

“But at least you keep the Sabbath?”

“Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath.”

“But kosher food you still eat?”

“Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher.”

The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his
ear, “Isaac, tell me–you�re still circumcised?”

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says, “Father, I never wear panties under my habit.”

The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do six cartwheels (front rolls) on your way to the altar.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis