Yours Fun Portal !
Here’s a list of camps you may NOT want to send your kids to:
Tommy Lee’s Camp Kickachick
Monica Lewinsky’s Camp Suckaweewee
President Clinton’s Camp Getahoochie
Ellen DeGeneres’s Camp Lickacoochie
Kenneth Star’s Camp Catchacrook
O.J. Simpson’s Camp Killachick
Lorena Bobbit’s Camp Cutaweewee
Tonya Harding’s Camp Clubaknee
Susan Smith’s Camp Blameabrotha
Pamela Lee’s Camp Lottatatas
Michael Jackson’s Camp Wannabewhitey
Louis Farakahn’s Camp Killawhitey
there was once a man who needed food & water in a huge forest.
the man found a hut , when he got inside he found a chinese family living living there. The chinese father of the family said he could stay on one condition that he was never to touch his daughter the man thought that was ok . while they were having the meal he could see what the chinese man ment ‘cos the daughter was flirting with him . That night the man slept with the mans daughter having a night of passion and sex .
later that night the man slipped back into his own room but earlier the man warned him of the three chinese tortures. when the man woke up he had a big rock on his stomach he thought it was no big deal it said on the rock chinese torture number 1, ‘big rock on stomach’so he threw the rock out of the window but the rock rolled over and it read chinese torure number 2’rock tied to left testical’ so the thought adout jumping out of the window with the rock but the rock rolled over again and read chinese torture number 3’left testicat tied to bed post
Q: What do the gynecologist and the Pizza deliveryman have in common?
A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go. The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, “What’s wrong?” He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress.” The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.” He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too. The second guy says, “What’s wrong?” The first guy says, “Small world.”
Q: Why do rednecks’ dogs have flat noses?A: From chasing parked cars…
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out
of the corner of his eye. It says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15
km’.
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a
second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of
Prostitution 8 km’ and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives
past a third sign saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right’
his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small
sign next to the door saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy’.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you, my son?’
He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
doing business.’
‘Very well, my son. Please follow me.’
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun
stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’
He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit
and holding a tin cup.
This nun instructs, ‘Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large
wooden door at the end of this hallway.’
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup.
He then trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it
shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the
parking lot facing another small sign.
Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed.
Llega un pol�tico a un pueblo a ofrecer un discurso en su campa�a pol�tica y empieza:
“He venido, acudido o llegado hasta esta entidad, poblaci�n o municipio con el fin, objetivo o meta de platicar, dialogar o conversar con un grupo, asociado o conjunto de personas, individuos o civiles que forman un c�rculo, circunferencia o rueda y digo c�rculo para personas de medio entender, circunferencia para personas de mucho entender y rueda para aquel borrach�n que ni me ve, ni me oye, ni me escucha…”
En eso, el temulento se levanta y lo interrumpe:
“Momento, alto, stop, rojo, detente. No por el hecho, acontecimiento o suceso de haber bebido, ingerido o tomado algunas copas de vino, licor o cerveza vaya usted a tacharme de una persona ne�fita, inculta o prosaica. �Por lo mismo, tanto o consecuente vaya, dir�jase o acuda usted a chingar, joder o perjudicar a su tutelar, madre o progenitora!”
Q: How do you know when you’re REALLY ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
Resulta que Chente se compr� unas botas de charol y feliz corre a su casa para presum�rselas a su esposa:
“Vieja, �qu� me notas?”
“Pues nada, cari�o”.
“�C�mo que nada? �M�rame bien! �Qu� me notas?”
“Pues yo te veo igual”.
“�Me lleva! A ver, p�rate ah�”.
Acto seguido, Chente se encuera todito y s�lo se deja sus brillantes botas.
“A ver, ahora s�… �Qu� me notas?”
“Est�s encuerado.”
“�Me lleva! A ver, te voy a dar una ayudadita. �Qu� tengo abajo del ombligo?”
“Ay, pues tu pizarr�n”.
“�Y pa’ donde apunta?”
“Hacia abajo, querido”.
“�Y qu� hay abajo?”
“Pues tus botas”.
“�Pues eso mero! �Vieja, me compr� unas botas de charol para usarlas en Espa�a!”
“�Ay, mejor te hubieras comprado un sombrero!”
One day 2 muslims and hindues they ware walking in the street and contending with each other whoes allmighty is exist in this earth. The Muslim believes that God is onely one there is no other allmighty after that.But the Hindu believe that their (vogoman) is existing in the world and no other allmighty is there before him/her.Than they decided one thing that both they will prove whoes allmighty is the best , then they subscribed to high building.
The Muslim said: If your god is true than jump down from there and see whether you get back with life or not .
The Hindu said: OK than he jumped down from the high building with the name of her allmighty(vagoman)but coincidently he got back with life ,than the Muslim became confused who is true .
Now the time for muslim to jump*
The Muslim,ok: He got ready and set up his mind to jump down.Before jump he called her allmighty but withen this time he also prayed to (vogoman)in silent, (hai (vogoman) you might also be the best.But he did not get back with life.
His fault was that , he had no believes neither on God nor Vogoman.