Category: other

GAT (Gangsta Aptitude Tess)
The following exam was administered as an Ebonics version of the SAT

1) You just robbed som jack mo fo with $20 in his wallet. You can buy:

A dime and two 40’s
B. A new pair of Fila’s
C Dashikki down the block
D. Yo mama

2) It’s tha end of da monf again and da man is on your jack for da rent. You:

A. Bust a cap in his ass
B. Say, “Shit man, why you all up in ma bidness?”
C. Have anuther kid on welfare
D. Yo mama

3) You and ya holmes are banging down da block when yall scam da uther mo fo’s commin your way.
If ya both jaking your hydros, and both yall draw yur gats, which of da following happens:

A. Shit goes down in da hood
B. Ya check yur colours and let the cop-killers fly
C. Shit man, I do’no maff
D. Yo mama

4) You drink haff a 40. How much is left:
A. Haff
B. Da uther haff
C. Zum mo
D. Bout enuff to jak yo mama

5) You, beein da shit you are, dress yo self in da morn in which of deese:
A. Yo Tek 9 with da Raiders hat
B. Da AK47 with yo Fila’s

6) Tiz yo 21st birfday. You:
A. Hook up with Dashikki down the block and treat her to MceeDees
B. Treat yo self to crack, ice cream, and 40’s
C. Gaffle da man
D. I do’no maff

JOG-MAFEE

7) Wher iz da mutherland at:
A. Afrika
B. Compton
C. Souff Centra
D. Yo mama

8) What am da capita of California?
A. Da Hood
B. Compton
C. Compton
D. Compton

ANALAMA-G’S

9) Tek 9 : Gatt ::
A. Yo mama : Dashikki
B. Fila’s : Nike
C. Tu pac : Barry White
D. St. Ive’s : Colt 45

10) Malt Liquor : Da Chronic ::
A. Da Man : Da Systum
B. ReeRun : MC Hammer
C. Fat Albert : Shaft
D. Yo mama : Dashikki

NOW LOOKIE HERE FOO. I GOTS TO AXE YOU AN EXXAY QUEXTIUN:
IN 25 WURDS MO O LESS, TELL UZ ME WHO AM DA MAN?

So dat we may give uh you yo cowrecked sco, sine yo tag below

+———————————————————————–+

A girl gets hired as a cashier at an adult video store.

Before leaving for lunch the boss says, “Try to sell some of those sex toys & vibrators”.

A moment later, the girl sees a women come in the store so she points out the shelf of dildos and vibrators.

The woman browses in disinterest, and says, “How much is that plaid one?”

Later the boss returns and asks if it’s been busy.

“No”, says the cashier, “but I sold your thermos for $30.00!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

A white guy, black guy, and a mexican guy are walking down this old country road looking for a place to stay and an old farmer said they could stay there on one condition, they don’t fuck his daughter. They all agreed and when they whent to bed the farmar put razor blades in her pussy.The next morning when they woke up the farmer told them to drop there pants. All of there dicks were cut up so he told them to go out in his field and pick a hundred of there favorite fruit. They go out and about 30 min. later and the white guy comes in and he has 100 cherries. the farmer told him to shove them up his butt so he did. Then the black man came in with 100 strawberries and the farmer told him to shove the m up his butt. Then the black man starts laughing and the farmer askes him why and he says, “My friend’s out there picking 100 watermelons”.

What’s the difference between a wedge of old cheese and an [ethnic] girl?

One is strong smelling and covered in mold and the other goes great with
crackers!

The Washington Post’s “Style Invitational” asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Foreploy:
any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Doltergeist:
a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Giraffiti:
vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous “Surrender Dorothy” on the Beltway overpass.

Sarchasm:
the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Impotience:
eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

Reintarnation:
coming back to life as a hillbilly.

DIOS:
the one true operating system.

Inoculatte:
to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis:
terminal coolness.

Taterfamilias:
the head of the Potato Head family.

Osteopornosis:
a degenerate disease.

Karmageddon:
It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these like really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer.

Hindkerchief:
really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham palace.

Deifenestration:
to throw all talk of God out the window.

Acme:
a generic skin disease (alt: the ‘best’ skin disease).

Dopeler effect:
the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

How do you get a one arme blon out of a tree.

You wave at her.

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his mom and says, “Mom, look, I’m a white boy!”

His mom slaps him in the kisser and says, “Go show your father!”

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, “Look dad, I’m a white boy!” His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, “Go show your Grandmother!”

The boy goes in his grandmother’s room and says, “Look granny, I’m a white boy!” His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says “See. Did you learn anything from that?!”

To which the boy replies, “Sure enough did. I’ve only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate you black people!”

A blonde goes to a truck yard to try to get a job as a truck
driver in construction.

The forman says, “I’m not sure lady … you’ll be the first
woman. Before I can hire you I’ll have to see if you fit in with
the guys.

I have 3 questions for you:

“Do you drink?” She replies, “At least six packs a day”

“Do you swear?” She replies, “Shit yeah, all the fucking time!”

“OK, then, I got only one more question … you ever been picked
up by the fuzz?” She replies, “No honey; but I’ve been swung
around by my tits a more than a few times!”

Un tipo va visitar a su compadre que se encontraba en otra ciudad:

“Compadre, le tengo malas noticias: se muri� su perico”.

“�C�mo que se muri� si estaba sano!”

“Es que se muri� cuando se incendi� su casa”.

“�C�mo que se incendi� mi casa!”

“S�, se incendi� porque se cay� una vela cuando estabamos velando a su mamacita”.

“�C�mo que se muri� mi mamacita!”

“S�, es que no aguant� lo de su hijo”.

“�Qu� de mi hijo!”

“Que se cay� de la azotea y se mat�”.

“Me ha dado puras malas noticias, compadre”.

“No, le traigo una buena”.

“�Cu�l, compadre?”

“Que su esposa est� embarazada de cinco meses”.

“�No, compadre, esa tambi�n es mala noticia porque yo aqu� tengo ocho meses!”

A man begins work at a lumberjack camp that is miles from
nowhere. After a long day of hard work the lumberjacks all sat
down to eat dinner together. The new guy was startled to hear
monstrous farts coming from all directions. BOOOOM went one.
THRBLPPPFFFFF went another. Soon the new guy felt the urge to
let one out himself.

Amidst the loud sounds from all around him came his ppffhht. The
room got deathly quiet and everyone started looking around at
each other. The head lumberjack got up from his chair and got up
on the table. He pulled his axe out and pounded it into the
dinner table and said, “Down boys, the virgin is mine!”

Un d�a un tipo se despert� y not� que le hab�a crecido un pene justo en el medio de la frente. Preocupado, va al m�dico. El m�dico lo revisa y le dice:

“�Tiene una biblia?”

“S�”, contesta el paciente.

“L�ala y vuelva la semana que viene.”

A la semana siguiente el hombre vuelve con el pene en la frente.

“Me le� toda la Biblia doctor, �quiere preguntarme algo?”

“No, no, est� bien. Bueno ahora busque un libro de historia, l�alo y vuelva la semana que viene.”

A la semana siguiente el tipo vuelve.

“Me le� toda la historia del pa�s doctor, �quiere preguntar algo?”

“No, no, est� bien. Ahora, l�ase un libro de la segunda guerra mundial.”

Y el paciente se cans�: “Doctor me tiene harto. �Qu� clase de terapia es �sta? �Para qu� carajo me hace leer tanto?”

“�Porque cuando te crezcan los huevos no vas a poder leer m�s!”

How do you compliment a donkey? ”Hey, nice ass!”