Category: other

Q: What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?A: Washington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth, and Clinton doesn’t knowthe difference!

A worried father confronted his daughter one night.”I don’t like that new boyfriend, he’s rough and common and bloody stupid with it.””Oh no, Daddy,” the daughter replied, “Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out nine weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.”

Llega un parroquiano a una cantina y pide un tequila doble; se lo toma y se aclara la garganta. En eso, llega otro y pide un Power Punch. El cantinero, sacando sus guantes de hule, sirve vodka, ginebra y tequila en un vaso largo; despu�s, acerca un cerillo a la mezcla y sale una llamarada. El tipo se lo toma y se empieza a retorcer.

Mientras tanto, el del tequila pide otro y se lo bebe con calma. Un rato despu�s, el del Power Punch pide otro; el cantinero sigue el mismo procedimiento para prepararlo y aquel se lo toma y comienza a retorcerse.

Extra�ado, el del tequila entabla conversaci�n con el del Power Punch:

“Pues, �qu� se siente, amigo?”

“Se siente como si estuviera en pleno acto sexual”.

“Ah, chinga, chinga”, y dirigi�ndose al cantinero ordena uno.

El camarero repite el mismo procedimiento: los guantes, la ginebra, el vodka; lo flamea y se lo sirve. El sujeto se lo toma y se empieza a retorcer mientras exclama:

“�Ay, pinche joto!”

A lady was laying on the doctor’s table, waiting for her annual pap test. The doctor came in, and as he was preparing himself, she mentioned that she had 6 kids. He said “Yeah, I can tell….You have the biggest box I have ever seen”. She was offended as hell, and after she got home, she went into the bathroom, and took the mirror off the wall, and laid it on the floor so she could have a look for herself. As she squatted over the mirror, her husband walked in and saw her. He asked her what she was doing. She said “I am doing my exercizes. He said ” Well, be careful. Don’t fall into that f*cking hole”

Two elderlies are rocking on the porch at the home. “Bet you can’t guess how old I am,” he says. “Bet I can,” she says. “Bet you fifty dollars you can’t tell me how old I am,” he says. “You’re on,” she says.

“Stand up.” He stands up. She looks him up and she looks him down. “Now turn around,” she says. She looks him up and she looks him down. “Now, turn back around . . . and drop your pants,” she says.

He drops his pants and she looks him up . . . and she looks him down . . . “you’re 86,” she says. He’s dumbounded. “By golly, woman, you’re right. I am 86. How’d you know?” She rocks and smiles.

“You told me yesterday!”

One day three midgets were sitting around the table drinking tea and having crumpets.
The first midget says to the other two, “You know, I think I have the smallest hands in the world.” He continues, “and I think I should go down the Guiness Book or World Records and try to get in the book!”

The second midget replies with, “You know, now that you mention it, I probably have the smallest feet in the world. I think I’ll go with you and try to get into the record book, too!”

The third midget joins in with, “I’m going too because I think I have the smallest penis in the world. Let’s go!”

So the midgets set off to the offices of the Guiness Book of World Records.

When they arrive, the first midget is called in and is gone for awile. Finally he comes out very excited. “I made it! They measured my hands, and sure enough they are the smallest in the world. I’m in the record book!!”

The second midget is called in, and soon he comes out very excited. “I made it too! They measured my feet and sure enough, they are the smallest in the world. I’m in the record book, too!!”

The third midget goes in, is gone a very long time, so long that his friends became concerned. Finally he appears with a rather forlorn look on his face.

“What’s the matter?”, his friends asked.

The third midget responds with “Who the hell is Bill Clinton?!?!!”

Note to this joke: You can insert anyone’s (male) name in place of Bill Clinton. Try it on your best friend!!!!!!!

Q: Whats the diffrence between tea and france?A: Tea stayes in the cup longer

Do you know why David killed Goliath and then decapitated him? He wanted to get a-head!

An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions.

Yes, says the Doctor I would advise you to take in a boarder.

A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.

The Doctor remarks, so you took my advise and took in a boarder ?

Yes I did, is the reply, and she’s pregnant also…..

An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed.
When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?”

Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.”

“What is your current name?” asked the clerk.

“Martin Arsehole,” replied the man.

The clerk laughed, and said “I can see why you want a change. What would
you like your new name to be?”

“Tim.”

How do you make Polish sausage?

Use retarded pigs

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car?

Robin, get into the car.