Juan hablando con Mar�a:
“Oye, Mar�a, �sabes qu� pondr� en tu epitafio cuando mueras?”
“�Qu�?”
“Aqu� yace Mar�a, fr�a como siempre”.
“�Y a qu� no sabes lo que pondr� yo?”
“�Qu�?”
“Aqu� yace Juan, tieso y duro como nunca”.
Category: other
SIN DISCRIMINACI�N RACIAL PERO…
SIN DISCRIMINACI�N RACIAL PERO…
Blanco con uniforme = coronel
Negro con uniforme = maletero
Blanco con pistola = precavido
Negro con pistola = asaltante
Blanco subiendo una monta�a = alpinista
Negro subiendo una monta�a = pr�fugo
Blanco con malet�n = ejecutivo
Negro con malet�n = traficante
Blanco con chofer = millonario
Negro con chofer = preso
Blanco que come mucho = bien alimentado
Negro que come mucho = muerto de hambre
Blanco leyendo el diario = intelectual
Negro leyendo el diario = buscando trabajo
Blanco rasc�ndose = al�rgico
Negro rasc�ndose = sarnoso
Blanco corriendo = deportista
Negro corriendo = carterista
Blanco que pega a su esposa = mal marido
Negro que pega a su esposa = mal parido
Blanco vestido de blanco = doctor
Negro vestido de blanco = heladero
Blanco con alas = �ngel
Negro con alas = g�rgola
Blanco en prost�bulo = buscando placer
Negro en prost�bulo = buscando a su esposa
Blanco con novia menor = exquisito
Negro con novia menor = degenerado y violador
666
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.
But did you know about:
660
Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI
Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000
Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666
Number of the Millibeast
/ 666
Beast Common Denominator
(-666) ^ (1/2)
Imaginary number of the Beast
6.66 e3
Floating point Beast
1010011010
Binary of the Beast
6, uh… what was that number again?
Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666
Area code of the Beast
00666
Zip code of the Beast
666mph
The speed limit of the Beast
$665.95
Retail price of the Beast
$699.25
Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95
Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66
Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66
Next week’s Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666
Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666
Way of the Beast
666 F
Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k
Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg
Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 %
5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank,
$666 minimum deposit.
$666/hr
Beast’s lawyer’s billing rate
Lotus 6-6-6
Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66
Word Processor of the Beast
i66686
CPU of the Beast
666i
BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised)
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A
Beast’s hexed address
668
Next-door neighbor of the Beast
333
The semi-Christ
665.9997856
The Number of the Beast on a Pentium
Making God laugh
Q: How can you make God laugh?
A: Tell Him your plans for the future.
Checkup
A lady goes to the gynaecologist for an exam.While examining her, the doctor asks, “So, did you ever have a check-up here before?””No” she replied, “but i have had a couple of Germans and a Russian”
You Seen Your Wife?
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque.When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.”How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”To which he replied.”That would be fine with me.”Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Linguistic Lapses
In a Bangkok dry-cleaner’s shop: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Hong Kong dress shop: Ladies have fits upstairs.
In a Copenhagen airline office: We take your bags & send them in all
directions.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend your afternoon
having a good time.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride own your
own ass?
Est� un espantoso hombre cojo
Est� un espantoso hombre cojo caminando por la calle y burdamente le dice a una muchacha:
“�Ay, mamacita, c�mo est�s de buena!”
Ella, indignada, le contesta:
“�C�llese, cojo feo!”
Y �l le dice:
“No importa, yo te ense�o.”
Todos los ni�os hab�an salido
Todos los ni�os hab�an salido en la fotograf�a y la maestra estaba tratando de persuadirlos a cada uno de comprar una copia de la fotograf�a del grupo.
“Imag�nense qu� bonito ser� cuando ya sean grandes todos y digan ‘All� est� Catalina, es abogada,’ o tambi�n ‘Ese es Miguel. Ahora es doctor.”
Son� una vocecita desde atr�s del sal�n:
“Y all� est� la maestra. Ya se muri�.”
How do you cure…
How do you cure constipation?
Sit on a block of cheese and swallow a mouse!
Loaded!
On the fourth day of their honeymoon, the 21 year old bride was begging for mercy from her 75 year old husband. Rather than endure yet another lovemaking session, she slipped out of the room while he was showering and went to the hotel coffee shop. The waitress, who had served the couple breakfast each day, was shocked at the woman’s appearance. “Honey, you’re just a young thing,” she remarked, “but you look like hell. What’s up?””I’ve been double-crossed,” the miserable bride moaned. “When he said he’d been saving up for 50 years, I thought he meant CASH!”
Washington, Nixon, &
Q: What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?A: Washington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth, and Clinton doesn’t knowthe difference!