Category: other

10. You’re so tired you now answer the phone, “Hell”.

9. Your friends call to ask how you’ve been, and you immediately scream, “Get off my back, bitch!”

8. Your garbage can IS your “in” box.

7. You find yourself taking long coffee breaks talking to your worst enemy in her office, so she doesn’t get any work done either.

6. You clean your desk off by sweeping everything into a box once a week.

5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.

4. You sleep more at work than at home.

3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your briefcase.

2. You use Day-Timer more often as coaster than to plan your schedule.

1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?

When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. The other customers were very confused and some very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, ”Sir, what are you doing!?!” The man turned toward the teller and simply said ”Looking around.”

Estaban dos compadres y le dice uno al otro:

“Oigame, compadre, tengo ganas de coger.”

“Yo tambi�n, compadre.”

“Ay�deme compadre. Usted le hace primero de mujer y luego yo le duvuelvo el favor.”

“Va pues, compadre.”

Ya habi�ndose puesto de acuerdo, se encontraban en eso cuando le dice el compadre que la estaba haciedo de mujer:

“Oiga, compadre, reg�leme un besito.”

“�Nombre, compadre, esas ya son culeradas!”

Yes, I’m tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on
iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water
pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, yellow wax build-up, and
a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really
worth living.

But now I find out, tain’t that. I’m tired because I’m
overworked.

The population of this country is 200 million. Eighty-four
million are retired. That leaves 116 million to do the work.
There are 75 million in school, which leaves 41 million to do
the work. Of this total, there are 22 million employed by the
government. That leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million
are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for State
and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the
work.

Now there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work. You and me. And you’re sitting there
reading this. No wonder I’m tired.

A man on a business trip went to a singles bar, approached two ladies, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm… and collected.

A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn’t care about looks, income or background. All she
wanted was a man of upright character.

Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.

The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common – they were both compulsive liars!

A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance.

Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband’s voice was heard answering, “Hello Mary, this is meeee…”

“George,” she answered. “I just have to know if you’re happy there in the afterlife. What’s it like there?”

“Ooooooh, it’s much more beautiful here than I ever imagined,” George answered.

“The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do all day long is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over.”

“I’m so happy you made it to heaven,” his wife cried.

“Heaven?” he answered. “What heaven? I’m a buffalo in Wyoming.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Why do French women cook with there pants down?

To keep the flies away from the food!

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties.

The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that says, “Use more soap on panties.”

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. “Use more soap on panties.”

Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, “Use more paper on ass.”

A religious man was selling his horse. He taught this horse three commands
walk=hallaliua
run= praise the lord
stop=amen
Well one day a man wanted to buy the horse. So the original owner told him the commands.
The man got on the horse and inmmediatly yelled out praise the lord. The horse started to run. The horse ran and ran. But at the second the man saw a cliff up ahead. He yelled with his lungs Amen but the horse didnt hear him. He said it over and over again but the horse hadent heard him.
At the last second he yelled amen and the horse stoped at the edge of the cliff. He raises his hand wipes his brows and says hallaliua praise the lord and the horse starts running off the cliff.

What two things in the air will get a women pregnant?

Her legs.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci