Category: other

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, ‘When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!’

Le hab�an dejado a un ni�o investigar que hac�an los padres con las limosnas, entonces va a la primera iglesia y le pregunta:

“Padre, �usted que hace con las limosnas?”

Y le dice: “Pues mira, yo trazo un circulo y lo que caiga adentro es para mi y lo que caiga afuera es para Dios.”

Va a la segunda y iglesia y pregunta lo mismo y le responde: “Mira, yo trazo una l�nea y lo que caiga del lado derecho es para mi y lo del lado izquierdo es para Dios.”

Va a la tercera iglesia y pregunta lo mismo, y le dicen:

“Mira, yo aviento las monedas al cielo y lo que alcance a agarrar Dios es para el, y lo que caiga es para mi.”

A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon, when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The captain yells, “Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my red jacket!”

One of the crew members complied and handed him his jacket, which he put on.

The battle ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they continued on in their voyage.

Later, they again spotted pirates, this time two ships were a approaching.

“Men, we must go to battle again! Someone get me my red jacket!” And a crew member brought the jacket and the captain put it on.

After a fierce war and a truly stunning effort of the ships crew, the pirates were defeated.

Noticing a trend, one of the ships crew members approaches the captain, “Why is it every time we go to war with another ship, you request to wear your red jacket?”

The captain replies, “Well, if for some reason I should be injured and bleed, the red jacket will not show my wounds and thus the crew will not be alarmed and worried of my condition.”

The crew member agrees that this is a good strategy and continues with his work.

Later that day over the horizon, a massive fleet of pirate ships, ten in all, come over the horizon. The nervous crew looks up at the captain and he yells, “Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my brown pants!”

What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? Only about 2000 people went down on the Titanic

Nos encontramos con la t�pica suegra que quiere aprender a manejar a los 50; su hija le recomienda la escuela de manejo de su esposo. Llegan a la escuela:

“Mi mam� quiere aprender a manejar”.

“A sus �rdenes, querida suegra. �Cu�ndo quiere empezar?”

“�Ahora mismo!”

“�C�anto crees que va a necesitar, mi amor?” pregunta la esposa refiri�ndose al tiempo.

“Bueno, trat�ndose de tu mam� unos tres o cuatro…”

“�Semanas o meses?”, interrumpe la madre pol�tica.

“�No, suegra! �Tres o cuatro autom�viles!”

Dos jud�os entran a un restaurante para comer. Al terminar piden la cuenta. El primero le dice al otro: “Paga tu” y el segundo contesta: “No paga tu”

Y as� se quedaron discutiendo por media hora hasta que uno de ellos lleg� con la siguiente idea y le dice a su amigo:

“Ok, hacemos una apuesta. Aqu� hay una pecera, metemos la cabeza ah� y el que la saque primero paga la cuenta.”

Los dos aceptaron la apuesta.

Al siguiente d�a sale en el peri�dico:

“Dos jud�os muertos en una pecera.”

Va un abogado con su hijo a su hacienda ganadera.

El hijo le pregunta al abogado:

“Pap�, pap�, �todo lo que veo a mi alrededor es ganado?”

“�No hijo, es robado!”

Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”

David: “You just send a telegram: ‘Result declared, past year’s performance repeated.'”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

El argentino que le dice a su esposa:

“Mi amor hoy pienso hacer el amor mudo.”

“�C�mo, calladito?”

Y el marido le responde:

“No, sin VOS”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice had lunch with U2’s Bono to talk about Third World debt.

Is he the best choice?

I mean if your going to talk to a rock star who’s an expert on massive debt then maybe MC Hammer’s the guy you want to talk to.

-Jay Leno

An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners.

He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: “Removed bowling ball from trunk.”

Three men are on a road trip when they pull over to stay at a hotel that they see. They go in and see the lady who apparently runs the joint and they ask her for a vacant room.

She replied, “Sure, but only if you DON’T go into the basement!”.

The men agree and she gives them a room.

That night, the men are so curious that they sneak into the basement… only to find that it’s full of chopped off dicks!! The woman that runs the places sees them and says, “Okay, now I’m going to have to add you all to my collection.”

She asks the first man, “What does YOUR father do for a living?” and he says “Well, my dad is in the lawnmoving business.”

So the woman finds a lawnmover and off goes his dick.

The woman asks the second man, “What does YOUR father do for a living?” and he replies in tears “My dad is in the tool supply industry.”

So she finds a saw and off does his dick.

The woman then turns to the third guy only to see that he is laughing hysterically! “Why the hell are you laughing?!? Don’t you know what’s going to happen to you!?!”

He smiles and says, “Yeah, my dad is in the lollipop business – you’re gonna hafta suck mine off!”