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Un homosexual y su pareja comienzan a discutir por alguna puter�a; entonces el pasivo reclama:
“�Ahora s�, Arturo, me devuelves todo lo que te di: el carro, los perfumes, las cartas, camisas, etc”.
“�Te voy a regresar pura verga!”, le responde indignado el amante.
“�Ay no, reconciliaci�n no!”
Llega Bill Clinton a la oficina de Boris Yelstin y ve que �ste tiene un telefono rojo detr�s de su escritorio:
“�Para que es ese telefono?”, pregunta Clinton.
“Para hablar con Dios”, contesta Yelstin.
“�Puedo llamar?”
“Claro, camarada.”
Clinton hace su llamada y cuando termina de hablar con Dios, Yelstin le da una factura por 3 billones de d�lares.
“�Por qu� tanto?”, se queja Clinton.
“Hablar con Dios cuesta.”
Clinton paga y se despide de Yelstin. Dias despues Bill Clinton visita a Menem y ve un telefono similar:
“�Ese telefono es para hablar con Dios?”, pregunta Clinton.
“Pues claro, �quer�s usarlo?”
“Si”, contesta Clinton.
Al terminar de hablar Menem le entrega la factura a Clinton:
“�S�lo 10 centavos, por qu� tan barato?”, pregunta asombrado Clinton.
�Y que quer�s? as� cobramos las llamadas locales ac�.
Approach a man you dislike who has no body hair and say, “Hey, have you had a puberty vaccination?”
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance.
1. A dog
2. A donkey
3. A shovel
4. A fish
5. A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at Least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings.
The President of their Society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, “This looks like a dog. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement you can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that that they had a famine that hit the earth whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”
The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, “I’m glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations.”
Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, “I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don’t read from left to right, but from right to left…… Now, look again….. It now says : “HOLY MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT BITCH!”
An Italian kid, on a six-month cruise in the Navy, decides to send pictures to his mom and girlfriend. He takes a picture of himself naked, then rips it in half, intending to send the top half to his mother and the bottom half to his girlfriend. But he mixes them up.
When his mother gets his letter, she looks at the picture and says, “Atsa my Luigi … long nose, droopy cheeks, and don’t-a never shave.”
Real estate is going up again. So if you’re looking to start the coming millennium in a new home, here are some helpful translations of descriptions found in Real Estate ads:
15> “What say we go back to my place so I can do to you what I’ve been doing to my shareholders for the last few years?”14> “Nice dress! But it would look better in my shredder.”13> “Hey, Bruno, as long we’re sharing a cell…”12> “Is that a $1.2-million bonus for you in my pants, or am I just happy to see you?”11> “What do you think will drop faster, our stock price or these pants?”10> “I know you’re married, but you really should diversify those assets of yours.” 9> “Screw all those indictments — I can still get us a night in the Lincoln Bedroom.” 8> “Excuse me, is your name WorldCom? ‘Cause those look like some seriously inflated assets!” 7> “Alice, get that ass-kisser Murphy in here, pronto!” 6> “Hey, baby, are you into bondage? I could really use some help with these handcuffs if you’ve got a minute.” 5> “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against an approved committee for evaluation in hopes of a future merger?” 4> “Say, what’s a nice girl like you doing at a special Senate hearing like this?” 3> “Honey, I have *extensive* dealings with Bush.” 2> “C’mon, sweetie — it’s my last chance to be with a woman for 3 to 5 years.” 1> “In your case, baby, I tend to think *inside* the box.” [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ]
There was a little old man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. So he went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.
Just then two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this “thing” sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other little old lady,
“There ain’t hardly no justice in this world.”
The other little old lady asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“Well,” the first lady said, “When I was 20, I was curious about it.
“When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
“When I was 40, I asked for it.
“When I was 50, I paid for it.
“When I was 60, I prayed for it.
“When I was 70, I forgot about it.”
And now that I’m 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I’m too old to squat !”
Esto sucede en un colectivo de la ciudad de Buenos Aires. En una de las paradas sube una se�ora con sus siete hijos y ve que no hay lugar; de repente, al final del colectivo ve a un tipo estirado ocupando cuatro asientos y la se�ora le dice:
“Se�or, si usted encogiera las piernas un poco habr�a lugar para todos.”
A lo que el se�or le responde:
“S�, pero si usted hubiera cerrado las piernas tambi�n habr�a lugar para todos…”
What do you call a male strip club?
A cockpit.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
The American tourist got the shock of his life when a Mexican
with a 6 shooter jumped out from behind a cactus.
“Take my money, my car but don’t kill me”, said the tourist.
“I no kill you if you do what I say,” said the Mexican.
“Just unzip your pants and start masturbating,” he ordered.
Although shocked, the tourist did what he was told. “Right, now
do it again” said the Mexican.
The Yank protested but with the gun against his nose, he managed
again.
“And yet again, Gringo, or I shoot you dead.”
With sweat running down his brow, the yank managed a final effort
and fell exhausted.
“Good” said the Mexican, “now you give my sister a ride to the
next village.”
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, ‘When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!’