Category: other

There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman. They all worked on the top
of a cliff and the Englishman said, �If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow
I’ll jump off this cliff!�

The Irishman said, �If I have ham tomorrow, I’ll jump off the cliff!�

The Scotsman said, �If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I’ll jump off the
cliff!
It was the next day, and they all had to jump off as the Englishman had cheese
the Irishman had ham and the Scotsman had jam!”
A week later, it was the funeral and the Scottish lady and the English lady
said, “Why didn’t they just tell us they didn’t like what we put in their
sandwiches?”

And the Irish lady said, �I don�t know why my husband jumped off
the cliff he made his own sandwiches!�

Un chico iba a pasar la noche en casa de su novia. Naturalmente, el padre de �sta desconfiaba del muchacho, por lo que le dice a su hija:

“M’ija, ya sabes que no conf�o en tu novio en lo m�s m�nimo y si intenta hacerte algo, no dudes en pedir mi ayuda. Si te toca la vagina gritas: �Patatas, patatas! Si te toca las tetas gritas: �Cebollas, cebollas! Si te lo mete gritas: �Lechugas, lechugas! Si te sodomiza gritas: �Zanahorias, zanahorias! Y si te pide que se lo chupes gritas: �Perejiles, perejiles! Y yo ir� corriendo en tu ayuda, �est� claro, m’ija?”

La chica accede a la petici�n de su padre y todos se van a dormir. A las 12 de la noche despierta el padre al oir que su hija grita:

“�Ensalada, ensalada, ensaladaaaaaaaaa!”

When nuns are admitted to heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.’And so,’ says Saint Peter, ‘have you ever had any contact with a man’s penis?”Well,’ said the first nun in line, ‘I did see one once.”OK,’ says Saint Peter, ‘rinse your eyes in the Holy Water and pass on into heaven.’The next nun admits that, ‘Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit.”0K,’ says Saint Peter, rinse your hand in the Holy Water and pass on into heaven.’Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut to the front of the queue. ‘Well now, what’s going on here?’ says Saint Peter.’Well, Your Excellency,’ says the nun, who is trying to improve her position in line, ‘if I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her arse in it.’

Two muffins are in the oven cooking, one muffin looks at the other and says, “Man its getting hot in here”. The other looks over and screams, “AHH a talking muffin!!!”

Sarah: I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for you.
Mike: Then let’s get married.
Sarah: I said in my heart not my head.

En medio de la noche, un ni�o le grita a su padre:

“�Pap�, los mosquitos no me dejan dormir, me est�n picando!”

“Bueno, hijo, apaga la luz; cierra tus ojitos e intenta dormir”, responde el padre desde su habitaci�n.

El ni�o se levanta a apagar la luz, pero al regresar a la cama ve una luci�rnaga. Y grita de nuevo:

“�Pap�, ahora me est�n buscando con linterna!”

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.”

He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said.

He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

Two white guys and a polish guy rob a mini mart. The cops are chasing them. The three guys ran into a potato factory next door. The three guys jump into bags. The cops follow them in. The cops see the three bags.

The cops kicked the first bag, which the white guy was in, and the white guy answered ROOF ROOF.

The cop said there is nothing in here but a dog. The cop kicked the second bag.

The 2nd White guy replied MEOW MEOW. The cop said there is nothing in here but a cat.

The cop kicked the third bag and the polish guy answered PO-TA-TOS

Van dos compadres platicando:

“Mira, compadre, cerca de mi casa vive una mujer que le dicen La Tabla.”

“�De veras compadre?, y eso �por qu�?, no me diga que porque no tiene nada de nalgas.”

No compa, todo lo contrario… lo que pasa es que todo el mundo se la quiere clavar.

have you heard the joke about butter?
better not tell you,you might spread it

have you heard the joke about the dustbin?
better not tell you,its rubbish

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”