Category: other

En la clase, la profesora comienza a dar una clase de vocabulario:

“A ver, Pepita, decime una palabra que comience con C”.

Y antes de que aquella pudiera responder, Jaimito la interrumpe y grita:

“�Culo! �Concha!”

La maestra, conteniendo su furia contin�a:

“A ver, Raulito, una palabra con T”.

Pero antes de que aquel pudiera hablar, Jaimito interrumpi�:

“�Teta!”

La profesora, que ard�a en rabia, suspir� un momento y pens�:

“Ahora le cago a este infeliz”.

“A ver, Jaimito, decime una palabra con E”.

Y Jaimito pensaba y pensaba:

“�La puta! Una groser�a con E… Una groser�a con E…”

Finalmente responde:

“�Ah, ya s�, profe: enano!”

“�Muy bien, Jaimito!”

“�Pero con una pija as� de grande!”

Tres amigas charlan sobre su vida sexual:

�A Jos�, cuando hacemos el amor, se le calientan los test�culos�, dice una de ellas.

�Parece que eso le pasa a todos los hombres, porque a Juan tambi�n le sucede lo mismo�, responde otra.

�Pues yo no me he fijado con Luis, pero esta noche lo sabr�, dice la tercera.

Al otro d�a, la mujer de Luis aparece con un ojo morado, un brazo enyesado y cardenales por todo el cuerpo.

��Qu� te pas�?�, inquieren preocupadas las dos amigas.

�Fue Luis�.

��Luis? �Pero, por qu� te golpe� as�?�

�Es que anoche, cuando hac�amos el amor, le toque los test�culos para confirmar lo que hab�amos hablado y, al ver que los ten�a calientes, le dije: Se te calentaron al igual que a Jos� y Juan�.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.

Girl who sits on Judge’s lap gets honorable discharge.

Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.

He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who fishes in others’ holes often catches crabs.

Man who puts dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought George W. Bush was doing as President.The old man said, “Ya know, Bush is a post turtle.” Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a “post turtle” was.He said, “Did you ever drive down a country road and come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down. That’s a post turtle.”

One day a substitute teacher was taking over for a class. All the students were present except for three.

As the sub began a little boy walked in late. the sub said “what’s your name and why are you late”.

The boy responded “my name is bobby thatcher and i was late cuz i was on top of cherry hill”.

Not wanting to go on further with the interruption the sub told him to take his seat.

The sub then tried to go on with the lesson but again was stopped by another late little boy. “what is your name and why are you late”.

The boy replied “my name is billy duncan and i was on top of cherry hill”.

At this point the sub had had enough and told the boy to sit down.

Finally he started again but a little girl walked in. “let me guess you were on top of cherry hill too”.

“No” said the little girl “i am cherry hill”.

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant Marlin that was larger & heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so Rockfish. The buddy eyed the Marlin & said, “Only caught the one, huh ?”

Dos polic�as novatos se encuentran tres granadas de mano en la calle y deciden llevarlas a la comisar�a.

“�Y si nos estalla una?”, pregunta el m�s joven.

“No te preocupes”, lo tranquiliza el otro, “diremos que s�lo hab�a dos”.

Un cantante de �pera ha perdido la voz y, pese a las recomendaciones de numerosos m�dicos, no logra recuperarla. Ya desesperado, acude a una curandera famosa.

Do�a Clota, la curandera, le recomienda un remedio natural: tomarse todas las ma�anas un huevito fresco, haci�ndole un agujerito en cada extremo y chupando hasta que salga la yema y la clara. Es m�s, le ofrece al tenor lo huevos de sus ponedoras, que son frescos.

Al d�a siguiente, el cantante realiza el procedimiento: hace los dos agujeritos al huevo, y nada sale. Da vuelta al huevo, intenta otra vez, y nada. Hasta que finalmente el huevo se rompe y sale un pollito que le dice, enojado:

“�Vamos, dec�dete de una vez, me besas el piquito o me besas el culito!”

Yo’ mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthily examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.”

Murphy, saddened and shocked by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints.

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventual approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.

He told his friends “I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. “Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?”

Murphy said, “I am dying from cancer son, I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone!”

Dos locos son sometidos a unas pruebas para comprobar si ya est�n en condiciones de salir del manicomio.

“A ver, Eustasio, �seis por seis?”

“Febrero”.

“�De puta madre, anda, vuelve al manicomio! A ver, Herminio, �seis por seis?”

“Mil”.

“�Otro igual, anda vu�lvete! A ver, Jer�nimo, �seis por seis?”

“Treinta y seis”.

“�Hostia! �C�mo llegaste a esa conclusi�n?”

“Muy f�cil, he multiplicado febrero por mil”.