Category: other

Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin.

On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous.

But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went.

When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” said her mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”

Up she went again.

When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.

Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother, “Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!”

“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man. Go up stairs and he’ll take good care of you.”

Up she went again.

When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.

“Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”

“Stay here and stir the pasta,” said her mother.

“This is a job for Mama.”

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb? A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don’t last as long as light bulbs.

1.You’re so tired you now answer the phone “hell”
2.Your best friend calls to ask how you’ve been and you immediately scream
“Get off by back, WITCH!”
3.Your garbage can is your “IN” box
4.You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep
because you just don’t care
5.You have so much on your mind that you’ve forgotten how to pee
6.Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday
7.You sleep more at work than you do at home
8.You leave for a party and instinctively bring your briefcase
9.Your day-timer exploded a week ago
10.You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her bedroom?

***niether did she***

Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

Era una vez un tipo que se gasta todo su dinero en una borrachera, entonces se sienta a pensar una manera de hacer dinero, para curarse la cruda, y se le ocurre vaciar agua de ca�o en moldes para paletas de hielo.

Sale con su carrito de paletas y comienza a gritar: “�paletas con sabor a panocha!, �paletas con sabor a panocha!”

Se le acerca un tipo y le pregunta:

“Oiga, �y deveras saben a panocha?”

“S�”, le contesta el teporocho.

“A ver, deme una.”

La prueba y dice: “

�Oiga, estas madres saben a mierda!”

Y que le contesta el teporocho:

“�Pendejo, es que la est�s chupando al rev�s!”

Why do Jewish American Princesses close their eyes during sex?

So they can pretend they are shopping.

This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to the doctor.”

“Why? Are you sick?”

“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those Viagra pills.”

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”

She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”

“Why?”

“If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”

Mr. Finklestein makes Jesus a beautiful shroud. People see Jesus walking around in his shroud and ask where he got it. Jesus says he got it from Finklestein who made it for him. Jesus shows off his shroud to the 12 apostles and they want their own, so Finklestein makes 12 shrouds for them.

Jesus tells Finklestein they should go into business together because Finklestein is good at making shrouds and Jesus is excellent at promotion. Finkelstein agrees and says “Yes, we’ll call our business Finklestein & Jesus”.

Jesus replied “How about Jesus and Finklestein?”.

After a couple of hours of negotiating on the name of their new business, they compromised: LORD & TAYLOR

what did the irish man do when he got a bumble bee stuck in his ear ?
he shot it !!!!!

Un nuevo empleado se presenta a trabajar a la oficina y, como todo empleado nuevo, se sent�a un poco inc�modo. En el transcurso de la ma�ana, observ� que cada vez que algunos compa�eros dec�an un n�mero todos se pon�an a re�r. Curioso les pregunta:

“�Por qu� cada vez que dicen un n�mero se ponen a re�r?”

“Es que aqu� est� prohibido que contemos chistes, as� que los tenemos enumerados y cuando alguien dice un n�mero ya sabemos a que chiste se refiere y nos ponemos a re�r”.

Al d�a siguiente, sinti�ndose m�s en confianza, el nuevo empleado suelta:

“El cinco”.

Todos sus compa�eros se quedan callados; inquieto el nuevo cuestiona:

“�Por qu� no se r�en?”

“Es que vos no ten�s gracia para contar chistes”.

What do you call an Eitheopean with feathers glued on his ass?

A dart