“Oye mam�, �por qu� mi pap� tiene tan poco pelo?”
“Es que tu pap� es muy inteligente y siempre est� pensando.”
“Y entonces, �por qu� t� tienes tanto pelo?”
“�C�llate y c�mete la sopa!”
Category: other
Better health cover
The Queen is visiting one of Australia’s top hospitals and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
‘Oh my God,’ said the Queen. ‘That’s disgraceful. What is the meaning of this?’
The doctor leading the tour explains,
‘I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day they’ll explode and he would die instantly.’
‘Oh I am so sorry’ said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blowjob.
‘Oh my God,’ said the Queen, ‘what’s happening there?’
The doctor replied, ‘Same problem, better health cover.’
A man’s daughter had asked
A man’s daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head proppped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.
”I guess you were expecting me,” he said. ”No, who are you?” said the father. the minister told him his name and then remarked, ”I see the empty chair; I figured you knew i was going to show up.” ”Oh yea, the chair,” said the bed ridden man. ”Would you mind closing the door?” Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
”I have never told anyone this not even my daughter,” said the man, ”but all of my life i have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.” ”I abandoned any attempt at prayer,” the old man continuted, ”until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me ‘Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest.”
”Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky, because he promised, ”I’ll be with you always.” Then just speak to him in the same way you’re doing with me. right now.” ”So, I tried it and I’ve liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful though, if my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.”
The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church. Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her Daddy had died that afternoon. ”Did he die in peace?” he asked.
”Yes, and when i left the house about two o’clock, he called me over to his bedside and told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When i got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death.” ”Apparently just before daddy died he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?”
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, ”I wish we could all go like that.”
TRY to say these fast!!!!!
TRY TO SAY THESE 5Xs FAST!!!!
Peggy Babcock
******
A ship saileth south soon
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Six silent snakes slithering slowly southward
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Good blood, Bad blood
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yellow yo-yo’s
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Sly Sam sips sallys soup
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Rush the washing Russell
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Toy boat
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Silver thimbles
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Blue black bug’s blood
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Three tree twigs
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Tim, the thin twin
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Six thick swamps
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copper coffepot
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A big blue bucket of blue berries
******
El t�o Chema se encuentra
El t�o Chema se encuentra cuidando la entrada en una fiesta de disfraces, cuando aparece un negro desnudo con una bolsa transparente que le cubre desde la cabeza hasta los pies. Curioso, el t�o Chema le pregunta:
“�De qu� vienes disfrazado?”
“Vengo disfrazado de moronga”, contesta ufano el tipo.
“�Puta, negro, mejor hubiera sido que metieras un palo en el culo y vendr�as disfrazado de chocobanano!”
Try Nursing!
A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was.
“I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed, I tried being a writer and failed, then I tried being a sales clerk, and I failed at that too.”
The shrink thought for a moment and said, “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?”
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says, “Well, I’ll give it a try!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Wedding Night
Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous.
But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”
So up she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”
“Don’t worry, Maria,” said her mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”
Up she went again.
When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.
Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother, “Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!”
“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man. Go up stairs and he’ll take good care of you.”
Up she went again.
When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
“Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”
“Stay here and stir the pasta,” said her mother.
“This is a job for Mama.”
Indiana
What makes Indiana from falling into Lake Michigan?
Kentucky it sucks!
Southern hospitality
Nate and Martin, two army buddies, are on leave and decide to go to Nate’s house and get drunk.
Low and behold they run out of beer, so Nate says that he will go for more.
As he is leaving he tells his wife Barbara to show Martin her best southern hospitality, which she agrees to do.
Nate comes back with the beer and finds Martin and Barbara screwing right on the kitchen floor.
Nate yells, “What are you doing Barbara?”
She replies, “You told me to show Martin my best southern hospitality.”
Nate replies “For cripe sake woman, arch your back, poor Martin’s balls are on the cold floor.”
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Curtis
Hard vs. Easy
Why is it so hard to tell the truth but so easy to tell a lie?
Why are we so sleepy in church but
Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about bad stuff?
Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, yet so easy to look at a dirty one?
Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail but we forward all of the dirty ones?
Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger?
Do you give up?
Think about it …
Are you going to forward this, or delete it?
To terrify others, forward this to at least 10 people.
Men die before their
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Resulta que Jos� y la
Resulta que Jos� y la Mar�a eran unos j�venes campesinos que estaban de novios.
Un d�a de tantos Jos� not� que la Mar�a tenia los dedos de los pies muy abiertos (separados) y le pregunta:
“�Hey vos Mariya!” con tono de campesino de tierra adentro, “�Purque vos ten�s los dedus de los pies tan jabiertos?”
Y la Mar�a le responde:
“Es que yo camino descalza por el lodo, �no ves?”
Jos� se queda ido y s�lo alcanza a pensar en voz alta:
“Aaah pos s�… debe ser por el lodo…”
El caso es que con el tiempo se casaron. Y a la ma�ana siguiente, despu�s de la noche de bodas, Jos� despierta a Mar�a y le pregunta:
“�Hey vos Mariya!… �Es que tambi�n te sentabas en el lodo?”