Category: other

“Doctor, f�jese que no puedo controlar el hacerme pip� en la cama. ya que todas las noches sue�o con un duende que viene a mi cama y me pregunta �ya hiciste pip�? y yo le respondo �no! y me dice, pues �HAZ�”

Y el Doctor le dice:

“En la noche que sue�e con el duende y le pregunte que si ya hizo pip� le dice que s�.”

A otro d�a el doctor le dice:

“�C�mo le fue con el duende?”

Y contesta:

“Muy mal, por que cuando el duende vino a mis sue�os y me pregunt� �ya hiciste pip�? le dije �s�! y me pregunt� �y popo? y le dije �No!, entonces me dijo Pues �HAZ!”

Est�n dos locos en un manicomio.

“Cuando salgas de aqu� �qu� es lo primero que har�s?”

“Me comprar� un auto �y t�?”

“Una vaca”.

“�Ja, qu� bonito te vas a ver circulando en las calles con una vaca!”

“�Y t� te vas a ver mejor orde�ando un carro?”

1) Inflatable dart board.
2) Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3) A book on how to read.
4) Solar-powered flashlight.
5) Screen door on a submarine.

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh Prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply, “For HEAVEN’S SAKE Dad, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!”

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: “Now plant your potatoes, Dad; It’s the best I
could do from here.”

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn’t seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, “I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn’t you greet me?”Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 days!”

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the St. Patrick’s Day holiday. He
was getting bored with just sitting at the truck stop cafe, so he decided to go
for a few beers. After about the 4th one, he had to use the bathroom badly. He
went into the bathroom, and he was peeing, lhe ooked into the next stall and
noticed a leprechaun whose penis was HUGE!
“Let me ask you something…how come short guys have bigger peckers than tall
guys?”

In his heavy Irish accent, the leprechaun looked up and said, “I don’t know
laddy, i’m a leprechaun”.

With that, the trucker reached out and grabbed him and said, “Well guess what?
I caught ya!”

“Aye lad, that ya did, but your wishes won’t come true until tomorrow
morning”.

The trucker was confused by this, “Why not? You’re a leprechaun, I caught ya,
so you are supposed to grant me 3 wishes.”

“Well”, began the leprechaun, “you don’t know anything about us leprechauns.
We get a day of the year off and it happens to be St. Patrick’s Day.” Well, the
trucker understanding this made his 3 wishes. He wanted to own his trucking
company, he wanted every woman he saw to desire his body and he wanted 10
million dollars in the bank, tax free. The leprechaun said it would be done in
the morning. On his way out of the restroom, the leprechaun says, “Lad, would
you like to have your wishes come true tonight?”

“Well yeah, but what’s the catch?”, came the reply. “Well, you gotta let a
leprechaun corn-hole ya.” The trucker, at first protested, but then the
leprechaun reminded him of all that he would be gaining in few precious moments.
Thinking about the money, the company becoming his and ALL those women, he
agreed but told the leprechaun not to tell anyone. When it was all over, the
leprechaun was getting ready to leave, turned to the trucker and said, “Laddy,
can I ask ya a question?”

“Sure”, says the trucker.

“How old are ya now?”

“I’m 40 years old” says the trucker.

With that, the leprechaun says, “You mean to tell me that you’re 40 years old
and still believe in leprechauns?”

Q. If one Mexican is playing basketball with another Mexican, what is it colled?

A. Juan on Juan

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out “Perhaps you should hear how all this came about…””I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style.She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the colour didn’t suit you.Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use anymore ?'”

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

When you please your boss, you’re arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend? The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. 4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it? You swim across — all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

Why don’t Puerto Ricans like blow jobs?

They are afraid it will interfere with their unemployment benefits.

“Oye mam�, �por qu� mi pap� tiene tan poco pelo?”

“Es que tu pap� es muy inteligente y siempre est� pensando.”

“Y entonces, �por qu� t� tienes tanto pelo?”

“�C�llate y c�mete la sopa!”