Category: other

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!”There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. “Wow,” he said. “Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”

Una familia fue a la playa y todos se metieron al agua, excepto la mucama que no sab�a nadar.

Un tipo abusado que se dio cuenta de todo, se dijo, ahora s�, �sta es m�a y se sent� junto a la muchacha para platicar con ella. Al rato la convenci� de que se metieran al agua ya que �l la ense�ar�a a nadar.

Ya en el agua, la muchacha estaba en posici�n de muertito flotando pero abrazada por el sujeto quien le dec�a:

“�Ya vez qu� f�cil es nadar?, �mira que bien lo haces!”

La mucama emocionada le pregunt�:

“Oiga �si me saca el dedo me ahogo?”

A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a glass of
wine. The frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well.
The frenchie asks the landlord, “What is that dirty camel doing in here?”

The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the camel in the
head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure.

The Landlord looks at the frenchie and says “You want a go?” to which the
frenchie replies: “Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the head.”

A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller,

“I want to open a fucking checking account”.

“Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.”

“Why the Fuck not?” he asked.

“Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.”

“I don’t give a shit what you want,” he answers, “I just want to open a fucking checking account.”

With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch manager.

The manager asks if he might be able to help the gentleman.

“Shit yes”, came the reply, “I just won 14 million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking account.”

The branch manager says, “I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a hard time?”

this is how you keep an idiot busy……..

peat and repeat where on a boat peat fell off who was left?

answer? (repeat)

peat and repeat where on a boat peat fell off who was left?

answer? (repeat)

peat and repeat where on a boat peat fell off who was left?

(your answer will always be repeat and you will always tell a person to “repeat”)

Charlie wanted a new way of birth control and his doctor suggested vasectomy. Charlie agreed and the doctor said he could perform the operation in his office.At a crucial moment during the procedure one of Charlie’s testicles fell on the floor, and the nurse, who was wearing high heels accidentally stepped on it and crushed it. However, the doctor noticed a jar of pickled onions on his nurse’s desk. Taking an onion, and realising it was the right size and weight, he placed it in Charlie’s scrotum and completed the operation.A few weeks later, Charlie returned for a check up. When the doctor asked how things were going, this was Charlie’s reply.”Pretty good, Doc. At least my wife’s not pregnant, but there are some strange side effects. Every time we make love my wife gets heartburn, when I pee my eyes water, and whenever I pass a hamburger stand, I have an erection.”

Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet?
He contracted chirpes and the worst thing?

It was untweetable.

Q: What’s so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she’ll swallow.

Una viejita y un viejo se conocen en una fiesta que organiz� el PAMI para la tercera edad. Luego de charlar un rato, deciden ir a un lugar m�s tranquilo. Estacionan el auto y hacen el amor. Finalizado el acto y mientras volv�an el viejito pens�:

“De haber sabido que era virgen hubiera ido a un lugar m�s c�modo”.

La viejita por su lado pensaba:

“De haber sabido que se le paraba, me sacaba las pantimedias”.

A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself.

Soon, the waitress came over to take his order.

“… and, what would you like to drink?” she asked.

The man said he would like coffee.

The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man’s lap when she stopped at the table. “Oh my God! I am so sorry!”

“That’s okay,” the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin. “But tell me, is this regular or decaf?”

“Regular,” she replied.

“Oh great… now this thing is gonna be up all night!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

“He wanted something for his cough but I couldn’t find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once” John explained.

“Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough!” Bob shouted angrily.

“Sure it will” John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
“Just look at him. He’s afraid to cough!”

Someday you’ll go far, if you catch the right train.

Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for you and
said, ‘oh yes she is.’

Someone took a photo of you once but it didn’t turn out. You could be
seen too clearly.

Take a vacation, go to Club Dead.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis