Category: other

Yo’ mama so fat, she uses transport trucks as rollerskates!

Llega un tipo a la farmacia y le pide al encargado:

“Por favor, deme espuma de afeitar”.

“�Lleva tambi�n los rastrillos?”

“No, ya tengo en mi casa”.

“Pues si no compra los rastrillos, no le puedo vender la espuma”.

El tipo se sale sin comprar lo que necesitaba, pero vuelve al d�a siguiente:

“Por favor, deme una pasta de dientes”.

“�Lleva tambi�n el cepillo?”

“No, ya tengo en mi casa”.

“Pues si no compra el cepillo, no le puedo vender la pasta dental”.

Se va el tipo nuevamente sin nada, pero regresa al d�a siguiente y le dice al dependiente:

“Tome, meta la mano en esta bolsa, por favor”.

“�Pero si es mierda!”

“S�, es que hoy quer�a papel higi�nico”.

what do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman?frostbite

WHT DO YOU CALL A POOL FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE?
RICE CRISPIES

Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, “Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband’s bound to get suspicious.” “No way, sweetie, he’s dumb as a post,” she assured him.”Besides, we’ve been screwing for six months now and he doesn’t suspect a thing.””True,” agreed the dentist, “but you’re down to one tooth!”

Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I’m a big girl I won’t cry, I’m just glad that cows don’t fly.

A man was relaxing in his back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio.

As he chilled out, his wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced.

The man’s next-door neighbor saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, “You pathetic excuse for a man! You’re just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass. You should be bloody well hung.”

“I am.” the man shouts back. “That’s why she’s doing the grass.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first guy said, “Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older.””What do you mean?” asked the second guy.”Well,” replied the first. “I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!””Healthier? How is that?” his buddy wondered.”Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she’d get these terrible headaches.” He answered. “Now that we’re older, she hasn’t had a headache in years.”

One day a crowd of people were throwing stones at a hooker. Jesus stepped forth and said, “May he who is without sin, cast the next stone.” All the people looked at Jesus, and began to feel bad and turn away. Suddenly, a woman stepped forward, picked up a stone, and nailed the hooker right between the eyes. The crowd looked at the woman in disbelief, and Jesus also looked at her. “What?” the woman said. Jesus nodded his head and replied, “You don’t count mom!”

The True Meanings of Asian Names

Wa Shing Kah—————- Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim—————— Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting————- There is no reason to raise your voice
Ai Bang Mai Ne————– I bumped into the coffee table
Chin Tu Fat—————– You need a face lift
Dung On Mai Shu————- I stepped in #$%*
Dum Gai——————— A stupid person
Gun Pao Der—————– An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung————— Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding————- We have reason to believe you are harboring
a fugutive
Jan Ne Ka Sun————— A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia——————— Approach me
Lao Ze Sho—————— Gilligan’s Island
Lao Zi———————- Not very good
Lin Ching——————- An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding————— A great achievement of the American space
program
Ne Ahn———————- A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai——————– A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be————— A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne—————- A small horse
Tai Ne Ba Bol————— A Don Ho song (see “Yu Mai Te Tan”, below)
Ten Ding Ba—————– Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung—————- A person with T.B. or Cancer
u Mai Te Tan————— Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Adam Sandler is a complete dipshit, a child, an unfunny irritant to all those unlucky enough (or brave enough) to actually look at the cinema screen!

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”

Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire.

When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the phone is still ringing – when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!”