Category: other

One day a girl and her mom were in the mall and saw two people making out. The little girl asked her mom,”What are those people doing.”Making cupcakes.” Then one night the girl’s mother and father go downstairs on the couch and make love. The next morning the little girls goes to her mother and says,”This morning when I went to watch TV I found icing on the couch and ate it>

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray”God, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto”.Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.Jacob goes back to the synagogue.”God, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”.Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!Back to the synagogue.”My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???”.Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself:”JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET

Pedrito que llega a su casa y le dice al padre:

“Pap�, pap�, la profesora en el colegio me ha cambiado el nombre y en vez de decirme Pedrito me dice Piter.”

Y le dice el padre:

“Pues cada vez que te diga Piter tu le dices puta.”

Al d�a siguiente en el colegio empieza la preofesora a pasar lista y dice:

“Rigodon.”

“Presente.”

“Tinkiwinki.”

Presente.”

“Piter.”

“PUTA.”

“�Repite!”

“�REPUTA!”

A man goes into an outfitters and asks, “Do you sell camouflage jackets?”

“Yes,” replies the salesman, “but we can’t find them.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.

The chief comes to them and says, “the bad news is that now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”

The Frenchman says, “I take ze sword.”
The chief gives him a sword, he says, “Vive la France!” and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, “a pistol for me, please.”
The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says,
“God save the queen!” and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, “gimme a fork.”

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There’s blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible.

The chief is appalled, even for a cannibal.
He asks, “My God almighty, what are you doing?”

And the New Yorker replies, “So much for your canoe!”

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?””That it is, “Irish Mike replied grimly, “ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.””You mean you pinched his honor?” asked Pat.”How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?” demanded Mike.”Well,” mused Pat, “there’s a lesson in this somewhere.””That there is,” replied Irish Mike….” ‘Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.”

Sentado en una nube se encontraba un angelito maric�n tocando su arpa y cantando boleros.

“No se t�, pero yo no dejo de pensar…”

Las estrellitas del cielo ya estaban hasta la madre, pues el angelito cantaba refeo, y una de ella decide hacerlo callar.

La estrella agarra vuelo y �cuaz! se le mete por una oreja al angelito. Este empieza a sacudir la cabeza, diciendo: “�Ayy, zonza, d�jame, fuchi, ayyy!” y logra sacarse la estrellita, la cual se retira de volada.

Vuelve a cantar el angelito maric�n: “La puerta se cerr� de tras de t�…”, y la estrellita toma vuelo y se le mete ahora por la boca. El angelito la escupe y le empieza a pegar con el arpa.

La estrella, para esconderse, se le mete por la cola al angelito, y �ste nada m�s deja escapar un gemido, “Hhhmmmmmmm…” El Angelito, se sienta de nuevo en su nubecita, y empieza a cantar: “�Que se quede el infinito sin estrellas…!”

En una fiesta, estaba Pepito en el ba�o haciendo “pip�” cuando entra su pap�, todo borracho:

“A un lado mocoso.”

Pepito se hace a un lado y se ponen a orinar los dos juntos, entonces el papa agarr�ndose la pija, le dice:

“Mira Pepito, de aqu� saliste.”

A lo que Pepito, agarr�ndose su pija le contesta: “Papi, papi, mira lo que tra�as adentro.”

A Young Aussie was enjoying his first night in Rome drinking cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him.”Hello,” he said.” Do you understand English?””Only a little,” she answered.”How much?” he asked.”Fifty dollars,” she replied.

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…HUH!” all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”

The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get it up, if you know what I mean.”

The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?” he asked. “I couldn’t even jump up on the bed!”

What do a condom and a coffin have in common?

They’re both filled with stiffs – only one’s coming and one’s going.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q: What’s long, black, and never ends?
A: The unemployment line!

Q: What can’t you give a black person?
A: A black eye, fat lip, or a job!