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A new boss came to a new job in a factory. His intention was to
get rid of all the people who weren’t working as hard as they
should.
As he walked through the factory he saw a man leaning against
the wall doing nothing. So the new boss went up to him and
asked, “How much do you get paid a week?” The man replied,
“$200.” So the boss said, “Here’s $200. Now don’t come back.”
After the guy left, the boss asked one of the other guys, “What
was that guy’s job?” “The pizza delivery guy.”
Un taca�o padre le pide a su hijo:
“Anda, hijo, ve a decirle al vecino que nos preste el martillo para clavar un clavo”.
El peque�o va con el vecino y vuelve enseguida.
“Pap�, pap�, dijo el vecino que no nos puede prestar el martillo porque se le gasta”.
“�Piedra desgraciado, hay que ver lo taca�o que son algunos! �Bah! �Ach… est� bien, entonces trae el nuestro!”
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,”Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.””Because,” the man says, “I live in a two-story house.”The Judge replies,”What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?”The man answers,”Well Judge, one story is ‘I have a headache’ and the other story is ‘It’s that time of the month.'”
Una pareja de esposos dicut�a, y el marido dice:
“Es que tu mam� tiene la culpa de todo.”
La esposa responde: “S�, ya s� que t� no quieres a mi mam�.”
“Qui�n dice que no quiero a tu madre, si a tu madre la quiero igual que a la cerveza…”
La esposa, conocedora de la pasi�n de su conyuge por la cerveza, le dice con tono de interrogaci�n: “�T� quieres a mi mam� igual que a la cerveza?”
“Si, quiero a tu madre como a la cerveza, porque la quiero fr�a, con la boca abierta y echando espuma…”
I’m from a small town.
In fact, it’s so small they had to tear it down to build the new city hall!
It also gets very cold here in the winter. I remember one winter that so cold we had to build a fire to warm the air up, just so the wind would blow!
I remember another time when it was so cold that we had to warm the water up just so we could make ice!
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for
“Show & Tell,” and the next day every kid had something.
The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?
“I brought a Walkman.”
“And what is it for?”
“You can listen to music with it!”
“That’s nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?”
“I brought a ‘lectrical can opener, it opens cans!”
“Well done, Kenny.
Umm, Johnny, I see you didn’t bring anything!”
“Yes, I did. It’s in the hall.”
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
“Umm, Johnny, what is that?”
“It’s a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going.”
“Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?”
“He said, ‘AAAARRRGGGH!!!'”
Put THIS in your toaster…Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday. A severe yeast infection is blamed for shortening his life. He was 71.Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who ‘never knew how much he was kneaded.’Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes, and loafing around. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.Fresh is survived by his second wife, a real tart. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral will be tomorrow, at 350 for about 20 minutes.
The young couple were holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp.
“When I tell you I love you,” he asked, “why do you always lower your eyes?”
“To see if it’s true,” she answered shyly.
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man’spenis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, theyconcluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to givethe Man more pleasure during sex.After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study.After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that thereason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex.The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with these findings, spent$13.27 (for a Playboy, Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) andconcluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hittinghim in the forehead.
Pedrito que llega a su casa y le dice al padre:
“Pap�, pap�, la profesora en el colegio me ha cambiado el nombre y en vez de decirme Pedrito me dice Piter.”
Y le dice el padre:
“Pues cada vez que te diga Piter tu le dices puta.”
Al d�a siguiente en el colegio empieza la preofesora a pasar lista y dice:
“Rigodon.”
“Presente.”
“Tinkiwinki.”
Presente.”
“Piter.”
“PUTA.”
“�Repite!”
“�REPUTA!”
A man goes into an outfitters and asks, “Do you sell camouflage jackets?”
“Yes,” replies the salesman, “but we can’t find them.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman