Category: other

An English taxidermist, is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, “May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man.”

One of the locals says to his mates, “Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man’s drink is that?” Then, turning to the Englishman, “Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic are you some fucking kind of a poofter or something?”

“Ac…actually,” the englishman, terrified, replies, “I’m a taxidermist.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s a taxidermist, then?”

“I mount d..d..dead animals.”

“It’s alright, cobbers,” says the local, turning to his mates, “he’s one of us!”

Insanity is hereditary.

You get it from your kids.

Una pareja llega al cielo, y encuentra con un letrero en la entrada que dec�a: “Hoy s�lo se aceptan varones subidos en una cabra. Nota: se ingresa desnudo”.

El marido tratando de ingresar a toda costa, le dice a su esposa: “no creo que aqu� conozcan bien a las cabras. Me montar� sobre ti y entraremos”.

As� lo hacen, y tocan en la puerta celestial. San Pedro contrariado exclama: “�pero que es esto?”

El esposo responde: “pues mira, vengo montado en una cabra como dice el letrero”.

San Pedro replica: “Por Dios, hasta ahora veo una cabra con las tetas adelante y la chiva atr�s”.

Un desnudista que camina por una playa solitaria se detiene ante unos letreros que advierten:

�Cuidado con los homosexuales!

�Cu�dese de los gays!

�Prot�jase de los p�jaros!

El hombre, sorprendido, se dice a s� mismo:

“�C�mo que me cuide de los homosexuales, si esta playa est� solitaria?”

El tipo no hace caso y sigue su paseo. Metros despu�s, ve un letrerito muy peque�o que despierta su curiosidad. Cuando se agacha a leerlo, ve el siguiente mensaje:

�SE LO ADVERTIMOS!

What’s the difference between a woman’s hand and hot water?

Hot water makes meat tender, while a woman’s hand makes it hard!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

2 nuns where driving down the road one day when a vampire jumped onto there bonnet.So one of the nuns said to the other show him your CROSS(vampires are afraid of CROSSES).So she leant out the window and said PISS OFF YOU WEE FECKER.

Q. What do all men and all parking lots have in common�
A. All the good ones are taken and the ones left are handicap!

1. Is that a mirror in your pocket? cause I can see myself in
your pants!

2. Is your father a thief? Cause someone stole the stars and put
them in your eyes.

3. Is your father a baker? cause your have nice buns!

4. Thats a nice shirt but it would look better on my bedroom
floor!

5. Is that a ladder in your stocking? Or is it a stairway to
heaven!

6. The word of the day is “legs”, want to go back to my place
and spread the word!?

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I
love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To
show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my
business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the
operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office
and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck
behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of a
money making organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in
an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

A man calls home to his wife and says,”Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.”The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, “Yes lots of Walleye, some Blugill, and a few Pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?”The wife replies.”I did, they were in your tacklebox!”

Your mama’s so fat she went on an airplane and it turned into a boat.

Q: How many beta testers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don’t actually fix the problem.