Un grupo de cubanos abandonan

Un grupo de cubanos abandonan la isla con rumbo a Miami. En medio del viaje, el m�s viejo de los cubanos sufre un ataque cardiaco y pide como �ltimo deseo ver la bandera para despedirse de su querida Cuba.

Los otros cubanos, para complacer el deseo del viejo, comenzaron a buscar la bandera en pa�uelos, carteras, chaquetas, cualquier lugar donde pudiera estar impresa. Despu�s de un rato, cansados de buscar, se dieron cuenta de que no ten�an nada con la bandera, pero de repente una joven de 20 a�os interrumpi� diciendo:

“Yo tengo un tatuaje de la bandera de Cuba en una nalga y me ofrezco para ayudar con la petici�n del anciano”.

La ni�a, que estaba bien rica, se para delante del cubano, se da vuelta, baja sus pantalones y le muestra su nalga con el tatuaje de la bandera. El cubano la agarra fuertemente, besa la bandera, acaricia la nalga y dice:

“Mi querida Cuba, me despido con recuerdos, mi vieja Habana, mi linda tierra.”

Despu�s de un rato (y muchos besos), le dice a la joven:

“Mira, ni�a. Ahora, como parte de mi �ltimo deseo, �date la vuelta que quiero despedirme de Fidel con un beso bien grande!”

Cardinals test

Three guys were applying for the priesthood. The Cardinal was going to give them a test. He tied a bell attached to a string on each of their penises. He told them that he was going to show them pictures of naked girls and if the bells rang then they would flunk the priesthood test.

He showed the first guy the pictures and nothing happened. “you passed”, the Cardinal said.

He showed the naked girls to the second guy. Nothing happened. “you passed.”

He showed the pictures to the third guy. Nothing happened.

The Cardinal said “all of you passed.” The Cardinal turned to put away the pictures but dropped them. He bent over to pick them up and all three bells went “ding, ding,ding.”

Cierto d�a cuando Pepito lleg�

Cierto d�a cuando Pepito lleg� a la escuela y vio muchos carteles pegados en la pared que dec�an:

“En Pro de la educaci�n”, “En Pro de la salud”, “En Pro de la nutrici�n”. Entonces Pepito al desconocer el significado de la palabra “Pro” le pregunta a su maestra:

“�Maestra que quiere decir Pro?”

A lo que la maestra le responde que significa a favor de cierta causa.

A la hora de salida Pepito muy apresurado sale de la clase. La maestra lo detiene y le dice:

“Pepito �a donde vas?”

“�Voy al registro civil!”

“�Y eso para que?”

“Es que me quiero cambiar mi segundo nombre.”

“�Y cual es tu segundo nombre?”

“�Pr�culo!”

Dos amigas est�n charlando:

Dos amigas est�n charlando:

“T�a, �qu� te pasa que est�s tan triste?”

“�Joder, es que nadie quiere follarme porque mi chocho apesta!”

“Bah, no te preocupes, yo conozco a un boxeador al que le machacaron la nariz durante una pelea y ahora el pobre no puede oler nada. Te lo presento y ver�s qu� bien”.

Total que la chica queda con el boxeador y todo va bien hasta que se meten en la cama… De improviso, el boxeador se levanta y empieza a vestirse.

“Pero, hombre, �qu� te pasa?”

“Me voy, el chocho te huele demasiado”.

“�Pero si t� no puedes oler nada!”

“�S�, pero ya los ojos me est�n llorando!”

The Top 14 Health Complaints of Disney Workers

14> Nobody ever walks those stupid Dalmatians.

13> Dental plan only covers grotesquely oversized and badly gapped front teeth.

12> Actresses playing Little Mermaid forced to have their nipples sanded off.

11> Huey, Dewey and Leukemia.

10> Goofy has a nasty habit of marking his territory near the Food Court.

9> Hand rashes caused by the daily rubbing of Walt’s frozen head.

8> EuroDisney workers required to bathe at least once a month.

7> HMO requires referral by primary care veterinarian.

6> Repetitive “Small World” Syndrome.

5> “My neck aches from holding my nose up, I’m a pathological liar, and I catch on fire every time Ms. Pinocchio and I have sex.”

4> It’s a small wart, after all.

3> Them kids is all covered in germs!

2> The guy who tattoos the Disney ID on your forearm hasn’t changed the needle in years.

1> Supercalifragelisticexpihalitosis.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

The Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter

15. The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith’s breasts make when she walks.

14. BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.

13. Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.

12. Finally, a chance to say, “Yeah, but it’s a dry cold.”

11. Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.

10. You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.

9. Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid yourself of those troublesome extremities.

8. No newsclips of jogging President for at least 8 more weeks.

7. Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else’s toasty-warm glove-clad hands.

6. Flashers stick to describing themselves.

5. Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for illicite affairs.

4. When it’s 10 below, nobody gives a rat’s ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.

3. With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.

2. The shivering just makes your Katherine Hepburn impersonation that much better, you old poop!

1. Goodbye, runny nose. Hello, Snotcicles!

[ This list copyright 1997, 1999 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

Guidelines 4 hiring

The following guidelines shall be used when hiring new personnel.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a
room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours,
without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they
are doing.

If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.

If they don’t even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it’s not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

English Taxidermist

An English taxidermist, is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, “May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man.”

One of the locals says to his mates, “Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man’s drink is that?” Then, turning to the Englishman, “Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic are you some fucking kind of a poofter or something?”

“Ac…actually,” the englishman, terrified, replies, “I’m a taxidermist.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s a taxidermist, then?”

“I mount d..d..dead animals.”

“It’s alright, cobbers,” says the local, turning to his mates, “he’s one of us!”

Una pareja llega al cielo,

Una pareja llega al cielo, y encuentra con un letrero en la entrada que dec�a: “Hoy s�lo se aceptan varones subidos en una cabra. Nota: se ingresa desnudo”.

El marido tratando de ingresar a toda costa, le dice a su esposa: “no creo que aqu� conozcan bien a las cabras. Me montar� sobre ti y entraremos”.

As� lo hacen, y tocan en la puerta celestial. San Pedro contrariado exclama: “�pero que es esto?”

El esposo responde: “pues mira, vengo montado en una cabra como dice el letrero”.

San Pedro replica: “Por Dios, hasta ahora veo una cabra con las tetas adelante y la chiva atr�s”.