La aristocr�tica pareja se pasea

La aristocr�tica pareja se pasea por los amplios jardines de la residencia, que vigilada por muchos guardias. Tom�ndola de la mano, �l le dice a ella:

“�Recuerdas, mi amor, cuando �ramos novios y hac�amos el amor en medio de arbustos como estos?”

“S�, s� me acuerdo”.

“�Qu� te parece si recordamos nuestra juventud?”

Entonces, se esconden entre los arbustos y le comienzan a dar duro y macizo. Uno de los guardias, al escuchar los ruidos, va a investigar y encuentra a la pareja en el momento menos oportuno.

“�Qu� est�n haciendo?”

Sacudi�ndose la ropa, el viejo rico responde al guardia:

“�No se preocupe, joven, yo soy el due�o de la casa! Adem�s, �sta es la primera vez que sucede esto”.

“Est� bien, pero a la mujer si me la llevo porque ya es la quinta vez que la encuentro haciendo lo mismo”.

Stocl Market

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cow steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Una se�ora se va a

Una se�ora se va a operar de las tetas. Cuando la operacion termina ella dice:

“Se�or, pero no tengo nada. Estoy peor que antes.”

“Lo que pasa es que usted tiene que agitar los brazos y se le inflar�n”, le responde el doctor, mientras le mueve los brazos como una gallina.

D�as despu�s la se�ora iba por la calle y se encuentra a un hombre bien parecido y le dice:

“�Quiere venir a tomar un caf�” lo dice agitando los brazos.

“Por supuesto”, le contesta el hombre, moviendo las piernas como loco.

Things Your Mom Would Never Say to You

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
1.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
2.Let me smell that shirt – don’t worry, it’s good for another week.
3.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
4.That outfit isn’t sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
5.Why don’t you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
6.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like 7.I’m running a prison around here.
8.Don’t clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
9.Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
10.Naw, you don’t have to call me, I’ll eventually figure it out if you’re in trouble.

At the Movies

On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater’s concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments.

Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, “Okay, who’s got the remote?”

Todas las ma�anas, una inocente

Todas las ma�anas, una inocente y agraciada religiosa recog�a setas cultivadas en el huerto del convento. Cierto d�a, un t�o decidi� jugarle una buena broma a la monja.

Temprano al d�a siguiente y conociendo la rutina de la hermana, se apresur� en desvestirse y enterrarse de espalda en el huerto, dejando, eso si, su pene fuera de la tierra y en apariencia semejante a las callampas que all� crec�an. Lamentablemente, ese d�a nuestra protagonista se encontraba enferma, por lo que fue reemplazada por la m�s fornida y corpulenta de las religiosas, quien comenz� la cosecha diciendo:

“�Una callampa, otra callampa, otra callampa!

Al llegar a la ‘diferente’ dice:

“�Una calla…!”

“�Una callam… uf!”

“�Una callampa y dos papas!

Secret Service

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

Pastor said, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend said, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the Secret Service.”