Category: other

What do you call a man who has sex with his mom?A MOTHER FUCKER!

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society…

DIRECTRA — a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA — Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA — Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks — especially cleaning up spills and “little” accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA — In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA — Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be ascertained: Whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA — Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA — This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA — This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA — This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA — About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into “special prosecutors.”

LIAGRA — This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

a cowboy walks into a chineese guys bar and says bartender give me a coke.the bartender laughs real hard after the cowboy drinks the coke and the guy says me chineese me play joke me go peepee in your coke the cowboy says oh yeah me cowboy me so fast me put bullet in your ass the chineese guy says uhoh (BANG)

Todas las ma�anas una monjita iba por el parque caminando junto a un grupo de pupilas, cuando de repente divis� a la distancia a un hombre acostado en el piso completamente desnudo. Ella pens� que sus alumnas no deb�an ver ese cuadro y decidi� sacrificar su pudor, sent�ndose sobre el hombre y cubri�ndolo con su h�bito. Al rato de estar sentada, se sinti� “iluminada” y as� les dec�a:

Ay Santa Rosa, como se llama esta cosa.

Ay San Arturo, parece que algo est� duro.

Ay San Fernando, siento algo que est� entrando.

Ay San Vicente, es algo caliente.

Ay San Benito, esto si que es bonito.

Ay San Rolando, siento que me estoy mojando.

Ay Santo Tom�s, ya no aguanto m�s.

Ay Santa Eternidad, perd� la virginidad.

Ay San Clemente, que no se entere la gente.

Ay San Pancracio, que me lo saque despacio.

Ay Madre Amada, �No quedar� pre�ada?

Ay San Formento, �no vuelvo m�s al Convento!

En los tiempos antiguos, un caballero se va a las Cruzadas y se despide de sus familiares y amigos:

“Como vuestras mercedes saben, me voy a luchar a Tierra Santa para mayor gloria de la cristiandad, y es muy posible que no vuelva. �sta es la llave del cintur�n de castidad de mi esposa, si pasaren 10 a�os sin que supiereis nada de m�, tened la merced de d�rsela”.

El hidalgo sale del castillo en su blanco corcel y apenas ha cruzado la puerta del castillo, cuando un sirviente sale corriendo y le grita:

“�Don Diego, noble se�or, gracias a Dios que le he alcanzado, nos ha dado la llave equivocada!”

10. Being told to “think outside the box” when you’re in a friggin’ box all day long.

9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who’s behind you.

8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you’ll get a piece of cheese.

6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

4. 23 power cords – 1 outlet.

3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.

2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.

1.You can’t walk out and slam the door when you quit.

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED:
We are still guessing.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM:
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION:
We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH:
It works okay, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED:
We are so far behind schedule, the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE:
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING:
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED:
The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS:
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT:
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL:
Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING:
We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what
we’ve already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION:
I can’t wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET’S DISCUSS:
Come into my office, I’m lonely.
15. ALL NEW:
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED:
Too darn heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT:
Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT:
One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING:
Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE:
Impossible to fix if broken.

A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.”

Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher’s voice boom over the public address system, “Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.”

You have reached the private secure CIA hotline.

This call has been traced, and you may expect 30 angry agents to kick down your door at any moment.

[BEEP]

A man and his father were at retierment home and the man siad dad can you sit down and be back with the papers to get you in. as the son left the dad started to lean to the right but a nurse came and stuffed some pillows on his right side so then he started lening to the left and a doctor came and stuffed pillows on his left side so then he started lening to the front and an elder lady came and stuffed some pillows on his front than his son came and siad so how do you like it is it nice and the dad replied I supose but they wont let me fart

A man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting.

When he arrived at the Motel in town, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting.

He asked the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given directions on how to get there.

While playing on the front nine, he was going over the speech in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a Lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied “I’m on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened. and he approached her again with the same request.

She said “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, So you must be on the 13th.”

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the Lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the Lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, “let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell”?

She replied, “if I told you, you would only laugh.” “No I wouldn’t”, he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold.

“Well if you must know”, she answered, “I sell Tampax.”

With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said “see I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at” he replied, “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m still a hole behind you!”

“Pap�,” le pregunta Pepito a su padre, “�C�mo es Dios?, porque algunos dicen que es var�n, algunos que es hembra, otros dicen que es blanco, otros que es negro, �c�mo es?”

El padre le responde:

“Dios no es hombre, ni mujer, ni es blanco, ni es negro”.

“�Ay, papi! �Entonces Dios es Michael Jackson?”