Forget-Me-Not

An Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour
of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he
paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the
Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I
arrived.”

“Oh that’s ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’.” said the manager. “The
hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the
agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the
rest of his life. He is known as ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’
because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the
slightest detail of his life.”

The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his
cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.

“‘g’day, mate!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in
return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”

“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up,
and indeed the Aussie was impressed.

He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the
east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not’s
great memory. (One local noted to him that ‘How’ was a more
appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ”ello mate.’) On
his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later was
surprised to see ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ still sitting in the
lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.

“How?” said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to
look up.

“Scrambled.” said the Chief.

Forest Gump in Heaven

Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gates Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions.
1. Name two days of the week that begin with T.
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God’s first name?

Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered, 1. The two days of the week that begin with T are Today and Tomorrow 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. 3. God has two-first names and they are Andy and Howard.”

Saint Peter said, “OK I’ll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, your answer is acceptable. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why did you ever think that God’s first name was either Andy or Howard?”

Forrest responded, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,…””OK, I give in” said Saint Peter, but what about the God’s first name stuff?

Forrest said, “Well, from the song… Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own… and the prayer… Our Father which Art in Heaven, Howard be thy name….”

Saint Peter let him in without further ado!

8 boys

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.

He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she sid ‘Kevin’. ‘Right’, he said, ‘what about that blond one over there?’ ‘Kevin’, she said. ‘Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?’ ‘Kevin’, she said.

‘Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?’ ‘Kevin’, she said. ‘Are all your boys called Kevin?’ he asked, ‘isn’t that terribly complicated?’

‘Not at all’, she said, ‘it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Kevin, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Kevin, it’s time for bed!, they all go to bed.’

‘I see. But what if you want only one of them?’
‘No problem.’ she answers. ‘Then I call them by their surnames.’

Un tipo se ganaba la

Un tipo se ganaba la vida vendiendo gallinas. Un d�a lleg� un comprador:

“Hola, necesito tres gallinas, pero tienen que ser de San Juan”.

Para atender el pedido, el vendedor le mete el dedo en el culo a diez de las gallinas, hasta que consigue las tres que necesitaba.

De ese modo sigui� vendiendo gallinas a todo aquel que le ped�a gallinas por pueblo especifico. Y todo el tiempo estaba un borracho observando y tan pronto como se aseguro que el m�todo del hombre funcionaba, por la satisfacci�n de los compradores, se le acerc� y le dijo:

“Veo que puedes decir de d�nde son las gallinas”.

“S�, �en qu� le puedo ayudar?”

Baj�ndose los pantalones y ense��ndole el culo, el beodo le explica:

“Es que se me olvid� en d�nde vivo”.

En un bufete de abogados

En un bufete de abogados se contrata a una nueva secretaria, que resulta ser una chica de pueblo bastante inocente. Un d�a dos de los abogados est�n hablando de ella:

“Con lo buena que esta Mar�a, me preocupa que se la pueda aprovechar alg�n buitre. Creo que deber�amos hablar con ella para explicarle las cosas buenas y malas de la vida en la ciudad.”

“Listo, t� le explicas las cosas buenas.”

A forester and lawyer

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?”St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”